Confusion Of The Heart
by Soul-x-Thief
Summary: Kaiba and Jounouchi have never gotten along since day one; but everything turns upside-down as their relationship is changed forever. Secrets are revealed and new interests are unfolded. Sometimes all it takes is a little push to make someone finally snap. And that's something that Jounouchi needed; a little push. Rated T for Language and Violence. [Discontinued]
1. Prologue

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**_SUMMARY:_** _Kaiba and Jounouchi have never gotten along since day one; but everything turns upside-down as their relationship is changed forever. Secrets are revealed and new interests are unfolded. Sometimes all it takes is a little push to make someone finally snap. And that's something that Jounouchi needed; a little push. Rated T for Language and Violence._

**.*.*.**

**PROLOGUE:**

"_Dad please! Why won't you listen to me?"_

"_Are you fucking serious?! I don't have time to deal with a brat like you!"_

"_I'm not a brat!"_

"_Yes you are! God, now I realize why your mother left you behind!"_

"_Dad please…please don't say that…"_

"_Why?! Because the truth hurts?"_

"_Stop it! Stop talking!"_

"_What did you say to me?! Why the nerve of you, you little brat!"_

"_No please, I'm sorry!"_

"_Oh no, you're not getting off easy this time! That's the last time I'll have you disrespect me!"_

"_P-Please…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…"_

"_Stop your crying boy! How do you expect to be a man if your always on your knees weeping! Take it like a man!"_

"_Dad please, I'm begging you…stop…just listen to me…"_

"_Why would I do that? You're not worth the trouble of even doing it."_

"_D-Don't say-"_

"_Be QUIET!"_

"_But Dad-"_

"_Are you deaf? Can't you listen? God, that mouth of yours is nothing but trouble!"_

"_Dad…Dad I-"_

I shot up like a bullet in bed gasping for air. My heart's racing and I feel like someone just dumped a bucket of cold water of me once I realize my body's slick with sweat. I'm trembling like crazy as I just stare at the door of my room.

"_Are you deaf? Can't you listen? God, that mouth of yours is nothing but trouble!"_

I can still hear his voice, loud and clear, as it echoed in my head. It was then that I realize I'm crying as I feel the warm tears run down my cheeks. Vivid flashes of the dream are burned into my skull. His booming voice and his angry, crimson-brown eyes. His face seemed to always be twisted into nothing but anger when he saw me. It made me shrink back…it made me…scared. I wiped away my tears quickly, as I tried to gain back control of my body. Easier said than done. I just couldn't get the dream out of my head.

"_Dad please, I'm begging you…stop…just listen to me…"_

"_Why would I do that? You're not worth the trouble of even doing it."_

I shiver as I hear my own voice crack as his insults finally started to get to me. I shut my eyes tightly as I hold my head trying to will the memories away. But alas, I'm only left restless as I growl irritated. I fling the covers from my form as I get out of bed and stalk around my room; I can't sleep. Not after that.

Several moments later, before I can continue to let my irritation silently boil-

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP _

-my alarm goes off. God, _what time is it_? I whip around, still hyped up a bit from the adrenaline rush, and dart over to my night stand. I hit the sleep button and stare at the blinking red numbers that flash across the screen;

**5:00 AM**

Five AM? I was woken up near five o' clock in the morning? When did I even set my alarm clock? Yesterday seems like nothing but a big blur right now….I sigh as I scrub my face against my hands. I might as well get ready for school. Sighing once more, I haul my tired body to my bedroom door, where I quietly open it. She's sleeping and I don't want to trouble her. She needs her rest. So as quietly as I can, I creep through the dimly lit halls of our apartment that are illuminated by the early morning glow of the sun trying to peek its way through our curtain-covered windows.

I stay close to the wall though, not quite feeling too secure and calm at the moment, and soon I feel the familiar cool surface of the wooden bathroom door. I let out a tiny sigh as I grab the knob, opening the door and entering quickly before locking the door behind me. I lean against it, and once again my body's shaking. Shaking like crazy. My pulse is pumping through my skin and my heart's racing a bit. I lift my hand up to my face and watch as it trembled for a few moments before it finally died down and I let it fall back down to my side.

Everyday…

I have to endure this _everyday_…

The shakes, the racing pulse, the sweating, the _nightmares_…

Only I don't think they're just nightmares anymore.

I walk over to the sink and turn on the faucet, quickly setting the temperature to Luke-warm. I needed a wake-up call anyway.

I mean it's hard to explain but…they don't feel like just a nightmare, ya know? I started getting them two months ago; they'd come every other week or when I was stressed. But soon after, they began to come every other _day_, and soon _every other_ day turned into _every single_ day. They're all too real; the fear, the pain, the sadness, the anger-you don't just feel those types of emotions that often when dreaming, or at least not _that_ intense. It's like I really…really went through all that…It's like….

I lift my head up as I break my gaze from staring at the rushing water going down the drain, and instead, look at the person staring right back at me through the world of glass.

My reflection.

I just stare at it. I don't know _why_ but it's like I've finally seen myself for the first time in a _long_ while…

My usually sun-kissed tanned skin is now paler, almost like the color of that really cheap and crappy loose-leaf that you get at the dealers store or something. But it's still not _white_, ya get it? I guess not, I don't really expect ya too anyway. My eyes burn from the brightness of the light and the pupils are so constricted as they try to let themselves adjust. But even so, I stare at my eyes…man, I've got some weird eyes…

Ever since I was little I've had people comment on my eyes.

_"Oh you have such pretty eyes!"_

_"I never realized just how brown your eyes are!"_

_"Your eyes remind me of amber when the sun reflect off of them."_

_"Nah, I'd say your eyes are more of a golden brown—like honey."_

_"You've got this glint of red in them sometimes and they look sort of reddish-brownish."_

Well shit. All of them are right.

When I was little, as far as I knew, my eyes were brown. Like mocha brown. But then as I started to get older and stuff, they sort of, change a bit ya know? Like they got lighter, and were kind of honey-colored. People would say it's because I'm a happy person but I thought otherwise. They said when my mood changed, my eye color did too. Well sort of.

Look at it like this; when I was excited, people said they were like hazel or whatever. Others would say when I got mad or something, my eyes would have this "darken" look in them and would be sort of reddish-brownish. _Puh-lease_.

But now, as I look in the mirror, I can see _exactly_ what they were saying. I mean, I do look kind of pissed right now but that's not the point; point is that my eyes _did_ change color. Sort of.

I look at them right now and I see brown eyes tinted red. Like a crimson-brown color. Like rust but a little brighter. I think it's genetics or something like that, 'cause my dad has an eye color similar to this while my mom had a dull greenish-brownish color, but it's a nice color for me. 'Specially with this mess of a blonde mop on my head. I've been a bit lazy—meaning I haven't had the time—and hadn't gotten a haircut last month. I hadn't noticed it before, but it had gotten much longer and wilder, now reaching a bit past my shoulders. But maybe it just looks wilder because of bed-head?…

I let out a yawn and quickly lift my hand to cover it, out of habit. As a result of the large intake of air, my spine cracks quietly but still loud enough to hear it, making me wince at the sound. I stared back into the mirror.

_Is this what people see? Is this really how I look to people?_

_"__Jounouchi!"_

I jump as my pulse speeds up, but I don't make a sound. Here it comes; the damn dreams. I tremble as I hear his voice steadily grow louder.

_"__You better not have fallen asleep in there boy!"_

I swallow the lump that formed in my throat as I hear my own voice speak.

"_N-No dad-! I'm just getting ready for school!"_

My voice sounds hoarse and shaky but I'm sure he heard it, because I hear his heavy footsteps retreat from the door and grows quiet until they are far enough that I can't hear them anymore. I realize that I've got the rim of the sink in a death grip and my breathing's gone thick. I blink a few times as I try to come to grip with my senses. I wait until my trembling lessons that I finally let go of the sink. I sigh.

_Everyday…_


	2. Chapter 1

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Now I changed the first chapter around, special thanks to Lppurplegirl11 ****for her pointing out a few things in her review. I honestly think that this version is much better. **

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

**CHAPTER 1:**

Sighing tiredly, I haul my body off my bed; I had been laying on it for who-knows-how-long trying to at least get a little bit of sleep in so I wouldn't be a walking zombie in school, but alas; things did not go my way. As I sit up I looked at the clock,

**6:30 AM**

I stood up and leave the room quietly and made my way down the hall, into the kitchen, where I spotted my ginger haired sibling sitting at the kitchen table already dressed in her school uniform, eating a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. We both had switched to our summer uniform since the weather's still warm—mind you that it's still the beginning of school year. She looked up from eating upon hearing me enter and smiled lightly,

"About time, I was starting to wonder if I had to go in there and resurrect you, Onii-chan."

I grunted and headed straight for the kettle, "Hardy-har, very funny sis." I muttered hoarsely, damn why the hell do I sound like that? I didn't even have to turn around to know that she was frowning; I could just tell by the tone of her voice;

"Are you alright bro? You sound a bit…" She trailed off, and I hummed, "Dry?" I inputted bluntly, as I poured the still hot water into a mug that I grabbed from the rack. Well the water wasn't _boiling_ hot but it was the type of hot that you'd shower in I suppose. I opened the cabinets above me and grabbed an hour-glass shaped plastic container that head little tiny brown particles—otherwise known as coffee crystals.

Yes I drink coffee. I'm sorry but that stuff is just too deliciously amazing. Plus it keeps me up. So that's a bonus.

"And yeah, I'm just _peachy_." I spoke again, answering her earlier question as I got a spoon and scooped some into the mug, mixing it with the water and watching it as it turned into a dark brown concoction. Man, I'm must really be in a bad mood if I'm being sarcastic so early. I heard Shizuka let out a small mewl in annoyance—aw she sounded so cute!—and the sound of the chair scraping against the floor soon followed after, as well as her soft footsteps until they stopped. I looked at her from the corner of my eye as she started washing her bowl in the sink, which I so happen to be right next to.

"That's a lie and we both know it." She stated simply, I rolled my eyes and put the coffee crystals back in the cabinet and walked over to the fridge, opening it and scanning through its contents until my eyes landed on their target. I grabbed the milk and gave it a firm shaking as I shut the fridge and walked back over to my sibling, who was finished washing her simple dish and had just put it in the rack.

"What are ya, a _lie detector_?" I snorted and popped the cap and poured in a fair amount of the white substance into the mug before closing it and going back to putting it in the fridge. I walked back over to the counter, my body facing away from her and reached into the cabinet to grab the sugar. As I stirred my coffee, Shizuka gave a soft huff. "My, someone's in a cranky mood aren't they?" She mused and walked back over to push her chair in. I gave a quiet sigh as I lifted the mug to my lips, taking a tentative sip.

"You know I've been having trouble sleeping, so it's obviously gonna put a damper on my mood." I muttered quietly and starting drinking. However, I once I finished, I realized that it was way too quiet and I turned around to find the room vacant.

"Shizuka?" I asked out loud and received no response. I rinsed the mug out before putting it the sink; I'll take care of it later. I walked out the kitchen and down the hallway until I was in the living room, where I spotted the ginger-head sitting on the couch, quietly putting her books away in her bag. I gave a small sigh of relief and felt my pulse slow down.

"You've got to stop disappearing on me like that." I whispered quietly and leaned on the door frame. Even though she and I kind of live together, she still doesn't actually live here. I mean she does but...ugh, she's still living with mom but she comes over to stay for a while. It's hard to explain...It started about a year ago, that she would come over and stay; it started with a fight between her and mom and she came to stay over with me. A few days, or even a week, in the beginning. Soon, she started to come over for the breaks. And now, sometimes, it's just for whatever. I ended up turning my spare room into a bedroom for her to stay in while she's here and she brought some things from her house over here, like clothes and stuff. Mom is 'somewhat okay' with this arrangement, considering she doesn't always stop Shizuka if she wants to come over but she doesn't always remind Shizuka when she's supposed to be back home. It's because of that fact alone, that I'm so paranoid, Shizuka—whether she realizes it or not—has this habit of disappearing, which often frightens me because well...well I have this fear of losing her. I finally have her ya know? After all this time…it's stupid, I know, which is why I'm trying to get rid of it.

"Katsuya?" She spoke up quietly, breaking me from my thoughts. Very rarely, does she ever call me by my name, so I'm fulling intent on listening to what she has to say.

"Why are you having trouble sleeping?"

Now _that_ caught me off guard; she never asked me about why I was having trouble sleeping before and as a result, I was bombarded as I remembered the nightmares; the _memories_.

"_Damn it Katsuya, what the hell is wrong with you! Can't you do anything right?!"_

I grip onto the door frame tightly as I feel myself becoming light,

"_Well? Answer me boy!"_

"_I-I'm sorry dad! I'm so sorry!"_

"_Stop apologizing boy, don't cry over every little thing!"_

"_Y-Yes dad…I'll take care of this right away…"_

I felt my pulse begin to pick up again and my breaths were coming out shallow as I shivered—I was shaking.

"_You're so weak! That damn mother of yours already went and messed you up!"_

Just as I felt the sweat begin to gather on the back of my neck, I felt a gentle shake of my shoulder and the memories started to slowly fade away. I blinked slowly and looked down to meet the worried gaze of my sister. Her earthy colored orbs meeting with my crimson brown ones.

"S-Shi…" I stopped short once I realized my voice once again came out rasped, not to mention shaky. I gave her a look that asked, _what's wrong?_

"I asked you about why you were having trouble sleeping and you spaced out on me. I called your name a few times and you still didn't answer. You had this hazy look in your eyes too. What happened? What's wrong?"

I swallowed, moisturizing my throat as it seemed to be as dry as sandpaper, before I spoke lowly, "It's nothing, and I was just deep in thought."

I was lying, I know, but I just couldn't—_wouldn't_ tell her, she doesn't know about the nightmares. She doesn't know about what happened back with me and dad. She doesn't know about _anything_ that went on after the divorce, and I'd rather keep it that way. I'm not trying to sound selfish—quite the opposite in fact, I honestly don't want her to know about it because then she'll started blaming herself for something she couldn't have prevented. She's just like that.

Her gaze was unbelieving as she stared at me and I placed my hand on her head—she's still short and came up to my chest—and gave it a gentle squeeze, causing her to pout and forcing me to break out into a small grin. She's just so cute sometimes for her own good. Noticing my grin, she lets out a small smile of her own,

"Come on," I murmured, "Let's go get you to school. I don't want you going all upset and stuff because of me. I'm _fine._" She pouted again, looking a bit downcast but nodded nonetheless. I removed my hand as she turned away from me and walked out into the hall and slipped on her shoes, with me following and doing the same with my boots, lacing them up. After grabbing our bags, we left the apartment and building and began our way down the sidewalk to the train station.

.*.*.

I watched as Shizuka left the train station exit, waving and telling her to be careful, as she got lost in the crowds. I shoved my hands into my pockets and forced my body to move as I make my way back to the train station. Once I'm down there I glance up the big hanging board to know when the next train should be arriving. Don't know what the thing's called, so I dubbed it as, 'Big Hanging Board'.

"Ten minutes…" I murmured, and went to go sit on one of the benches. I had to get to school by 8:20 being that nobody gets in after 8:30, and it was now…

I flipped my wrist over as I looked on the underside, at the black watch and gazed at the tiny black digital numbers.

**7:30 AM**

So it took nearly twenty minutes to get here and I have to wait another ten…I summed up the math in my head and sighed as I got my answer; I would only be able to make it to school by 8:25—unless I run to school…

I re-did the last bit and got 8:15 and I sighed, this is all if the train isn't delayed—which I seriously hope isn't. I'm honestly trying not to get detention for being late. Me and Head Mistress Tsukimiya made a small deal that if I'm not late for a week, she won't give me detention for being late any other time. It's Monday and I'm trying to hold up my end of the bargain, so please,_ please_ don't let the train be delayed!

I got up and went to look back at the board; six minutes. I exhaled silently and went to stand by the tracks; I didn't have much to do anyway. I reached into my bag and pulled out an iPod. I plugged in the headphones and turned it on to be greeted by my music list. As I came across Three Days Grace and clicked them. I felt smirk spread on my face; what better way to start the day than listening to music?

.*.*.

I got off the train and ran to the side so I wouldn't get swallowed by the swarm of people, and checked my watch;

**7:58 AM**

Okay so the train ride took a little bit longer than expected. I walked over to the steps that take me upstairs and take a deep breath of air once I'm out. Damn, I needed fresh air, that place was way too stuffy. I hurried to the curb so I'm not trampled on by people and begin my walk to school. Let's see…it's like 8:00 right now or something so add the twenty minute walk and yeah I'll get there like around 8:20 or something.

As I walked I began to hum to the beat of the songs softly until I got to the second block; where I was singing along with the lyrics quietly.

_I will not die, I'll wait here for you  
>I feel alive, when you're beside me<br>I will not die, I'll wait here for you  
>In my time of dying<em>

I lifted my wrist again to see the time and let out a small choked sound, it was already 8:16! _Was I seriously walking that slowly? Damn it!_ I pushed my feet into the ground and push myself off into a running start; thank god this block isn't too lively. Just a bunch of small apartments and houses, that last thing I needed was for something to think I'm nuts, running like a maniac.

.*.*.

By the time I was in front of the school, I was panting and gasping for air. The bell hadn't rung yet and I pushed myself and continued running, despite the fatigue, until I made it to my first period class; English.

I stopped in front of the door as I tried to regain my composure. Easier said than done. But I still managed, so I opened the door to the class and was surprised to find no teacher standing at the front, or in the room for that matter, as I did a quick scan across the classroom. Everyone was caught up in their own conversation. I shrugged and walked in and straight to my seat by the window in the second row in the back.

I put my headphones and iPod away in my pants pocket and just sat there, there was no use in trying to talk to anyone, since my friends weren't in this class with me—well there was Ryou but I hadn't seen the boy when I entered. So yeah, I had none of my friends in here.

I sighed again for like the hundredth time that morning, and looked out the window. The school bell sounded loudly outside the classroom. Barely five minutes was I in the building and I was already bored out of my mind. How is that possible? Who the fuck knows…but then again, who the fuck cares? Besides it was more interesting to look out the window, because at least outside there were people who were actually enjoying themselves while in the classroom you had to just sit there and listen as they cram all this stuff into your brain—Every. Single. Subject. Every. Single. Day.

Soon my ears perked up at the dying whispers and I turned around to look at the front. Blinking in surprise when I saw the school's Head Mistress standing in the front of the room with a man I hadn't seen before, standing beside her.

"Now class, as you must have noticed by now, that Ms. Kagome is not here. She is not feeling quite well and has decided to take a few days off, thus putting you all in the position you are in now. But despite the short notice, I have found you all a substitute; please welcome Mr. Hisakawa."

Mr. Hisakawa was a man of his mid-twenties and looked about 6''0' tall, he had fair skin and long light, blonde hair that was pulled into a loose ponytail with some strands falling on the sides of his face. He also had light brown eyes and his body built was slim. He wore like a mint green button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and two of the top buttons undone, tucked into a pair of dark brown slacks with black shoes. He also wore a black watch on his right wrist. Why the hell do the teachers have to dress so freaking formal? I wouldn't mind if this was a no uniform school…

"He is the English teacher of Class D from two floors above. He has someone covering his class for the first two periods, so he'll be here until then. I expect you all to treat him with the same respect as you would for Ms. Kagome. Now I will leave you all to begin class." And with that, Ms. Tsukimiya turned and walked out the room, her heeled black ankle boots clicking away at the floor and into the hall.

Mr. Hisakawa walked over to the desk and picked up the teachers' planner I often saw Ms. Kagome use, and flipped through it until he apparently found what he was looking for—

"Alright class, take out your textbooks and turn to page 386. Today we will be starting a new unit." I raised an eyebrow as my interest was piqued—okay so maybe this wouldn't be such a boring day after all.


	3. Chapter 2

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Hi guys! I'm sorry for not having to have updated in a while, I was busy with testing and school as well as having problems at home. Even now I'm still a little tied up. But I'm back and I've brought with me, the next chapter! Sorry again for the wait. *sheepishly scratches cheek* Hope you guys like and I would like to know what you all think of it in you reviews! I take them as constructive criticism just as much as I do encouragement! Feel free to give suggestions for the story too if you want!**

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

**CHAPTER 2:**

Just as the bell rang, Mr. Hisakawa started wrapping up the lesson—which by the way wasn't so bad. He actually made it interesting but that doesn't change the fact that we still got homework, but at least I might be able to understand it. Yeah some of this stuff they teach us here honestly just doesn't comprehend in my brain, which often explains my failing grades. I mean it's not like I _want_ to fail, I just don't get some of this stuff they teach. It's embarrassing to ask for help because it just makes me feel like the idiot people think I am and I know…I know I'm not…

I close my books and grabbed my bag from off the side of the desk and begin packing them away in it. I honestly haven't been feeling so great this morning; I'm just so…sluggish? I just want to go back in my bed, even if I can't get any sleep I just want to _rest_ for crying out loud! I don't even feel like talking to anyone…

I pulled my bag over my shoulders and let it fall on my hip; it's a messenger bag, and walk toward to the door.

"Jounouchi!"

Startled, I turned around to the exclamation and was faced with Mr. Hisakawa. What did I do now?

"Err, yes sir?" I respond, and he motions for me to come over to his desk to which I obey. He finishes some paperwork on his desk as the rest of the class files out, and once it was just the two of us, he looked up at me.

"Jounouchi, right?" I nodded, wondering how he knew my name. Like I said; I didn't feel like talking, so he didn't have to call on me in class. "Good, I had asked one of the students for your name and I wanted to make sure I got it right." He explained and I nodded, still feeling slightly uncomfortable. "Um...Am I in trouble...?" I asked hesitantly, and he quickly shook his head, "Oh no, no! It's nothing like that; it's just…well I noticed that you seemed a bit distracted in class. Is it that? Or perhaps you just didn't understand the lesson. Is it because it's a new unit?" His light brown eyes were locked with mine and I was frozen; I've never actually had a teacher ask about how I'm doing in class—no correction; I've never had _anybody_ ask about me educational wise. Um, so yeah, I was kind of in shock.

"Jounouchi?"

I blinked, "O-Oh um…i-it's not like that, I mean…" I stuttered, trying to think up of a reason. _Gosh_, I hate it when I stutter. "…well yeah, I guess I don't understand it…it's kind of been a problem of mine so I wouldn't worry about it too much."

"A problem?" I cussed silently, I said too much, "Well um, yeah I uh…" I tried to search for the right words, "I um—every so often I don't understand what the class is learning about. Some units I do but others not so much." He looked thoughtful as I waited for his response,

"Is it your learning in general or just the certain things you're being taught?"

"T-The things I'm taught…"

He hummed, "Alright then, Jounouchi I'll continue on with the lesson and let's see if you begin to understand as we go along but if not then I'll be here after school and on some lunch periods if you want help. Alright?"

I stood there in shock and gave a nod, swallowing before turning around. "Thank you sir." I spoke over my shoulder and headed out the classroom, as I walk down the hall I feel my palms become sweaty. What's my deal? He just offered help so I could pass…if that's the case…then why am I so nervous? I sighed crossly and leaned on a locker, combing a hand through my hair, promptly lifting my bangs and giving my forehead some air to breathe.

_/This is just not my day…/_

I hurried to my next class which was Math and on the other end of the hall. I made it to the door just as the bell rang. Everyone was already there and I quickly came inside and went to my seat as Mr. Kitomi sent a disapproving glare my way.

"Cutting it a little close, aren't we Jounouchi?" He spoke, "What's the excuse this time?"

I tensed as I sat down and looked him in the eyes, his piercing amber ones staring down my crimson browns. I cleared my throat, "I had been held after class by Mr. Hisakawa. He wanted to speak with me." I felt my palms become sweaty again and I just knew that there were people who were staring at me. It's always like that. Fucking teacher really knows how to screw my nerves.

"About?"

"H-He asked me about something c-concerning the lesson…" I stuttered; again with the stuttering. He stared at me; ever since I was first enrolled into this school and I met him, we've never really been on great terms so I don't blame the guy when I saw his disbelieving stare. "Really? So you're telling me that Mr. Hisakawa wanted to speak with _you_ about the _lesson?_"

"_Yes."_ I hissed out between clenched teeth, why can't this dude ever give me a break?

"He's telling the truth."

I jump slightly at hearing a familiar gruff, deep voice and turned around in my seat to look at the person behind me.

_/K-Kaiba?!/_

I stare in shock at the CEO who had spoken up for me. Why in the seven-hells would this prick stick up for me? Rich boy spared me a glance before turning his icy blue gaze back at the teacher. "Excuse me?" Mr. Kitomi asked because apparently the dude's deaf.

"I said, Jounouchi's telling the truth." He repeated in the same low voice, he sat with his books out in front of him and his arms crossed as he leaned back in his seat. His face was blank of emotions as he stared at the teacher, "I was in his last class and Mr. Hisakawa stopped me at the end for a moment to ask for his name—to which I told him—and he held Jounouchi after class. What they conversed about though is beyond me."

I looked back at Mr. Kitomi who seemed to be staring at both of us skeptically but didn't respond. Instead, after a moment or so, he nodded his head giving a grunt. "Well I suppose if Kaiba here is backing you up than I suppose you are telling the truth." I felt both hurt and relieved by that comment. Hurt, because he didn't believe me until Kaiba said something and relieved, because he believed me when Kaiba said something. Considering I didn't have a late-pass, I would've gotten detention for being late to class. Yeah I know, sucks ass.

Murmurs erupted throughout the classroom as the other students began to talk about the CEO sticking up for me because honestly I'm shocked too, 'cause I know damn well that jerk doesn't like me. But being the nice guy I am, I'm grateful for his input and turned around in my seat again to face him, to see him writing in his book.

"I uh…Kaiba?" I called quietly and he stopped writing and looked up from beneath his bangs and straight into my eyes. "What?" He grunted out, his blue eyes were fixed on me in an irritated gaze; the sunlight gleamed on them from the window giving them a strange glint of color. I swallowed,

"I uh, um thanks…for ya know." I spoke meekly and he snorted and looked down at his work before he resumed writing once more, "Please mutt, I can assure you that I didn't do it for your benefit." He spoke evenly, but in that same low voice he used before. I scowled at him for the dog comment, despite the fact that he couldn't see it. Ah, there's the prick I know.

"Then why _did_ you do it?"

He spared me another glance before he stopped writing altogether, "_Because_," He started, "as much as I don't like you, I also don't like _him_." I knew that he was referring to the Grinch in the front. "And I realized that he likes to pick on you, and that added to my already great dislike for him. So when I saw him start pestering you, I thought that if I spoke up, then he'd shut up. Get it?"

I nodded slowly trying to comprehend. "So…what ya saying is that you wanted the dude to shut his face up because you don't like him?" Kaiba gave a small nod, "If that's how you'll understand then yes."

I sent him a glare, but alas, that bastard couldn't see it because he still wouldn't look at me. "Prick." I muttered and he looked up at me this time, glaring at me. "Dork." He hissed. "Jerk." Like hell I'm gonna let him get the last word.

"Deadbeat."

"_Bastard!"_ I hate this guy. I swear I hate this guy. What right does he have to call me a 'deadbeat'? Or even a 'mutt'? That fucking prick…

"_Quiet!"_

I whip around as the teacher's voice rings through the class; he looks irritated and annoyed as hell. "Now," He started once everyone was silent, "open your textbooks to page 194, answer all multiple choice questions and the short responses, all the way until you get to page 205. You all have got fifteen minutes to complete all the questions. The timer's starting now." And just as he finished speaking, he started the small clock. I narrowed my eyes as I glared at him with annoyance. "I swear this teacher…" I grumbled and grabbed my bag off the side of the desk and pulled out my math book. Flipping through until I landed on the pages, I froze as I saw the title;

_Calculus_

I let out a groan in vexation as I slumped back against my chair; I frikken _hate_ Calculus. It's not that I don't get it—I do—but it took me so long to comprehend it. I remember how I always had trouble when we first learned it and as the unit progressed on; even now I still need to be reminded of the rules and forms and equations. I groaned mentally and glared at the page before glaring at the jerk who assigned us this, up in the front.

I slumped in defeat and fatigue; ah well, hopefully, maybe I'll be bored to sleep by these numbers. I seriously need to catch up on my Z's. So with that thought, I began doing the math problems.

.*.*.

"_No dad, please!" I cried out desperately as I tried to fight off his larger frame, but I got a sharp slap to the face in reply. I stopped my struggles and lay perfectly still. My eyes were overflowing with tears as they stared up at the wall, unblinking. I made him mad again, oh god why can't I just listen?_

"_Stop you're fucking crying boy! How many times do I have to tell you that!?" He hissed into my ear, as he tightened the rope around my wrists, binding them behind my back. "Now I'm going to ask you once more; who the fuck broke those windows?"_

_Dad had come home to find some of the living room windows shattered. Since it was only me in the apartment, I was the only suspect. But it really wasn't my fault; I was cleaning the house and someone suddenly threw a bunch of rocks at the windows. I ran and hid in my room out of fear and didn't come out until dad came home. And boy was he mad._

_I sniffed and blinked, trying to ignore the stinging in my cheek as I switched my gaze to meet his. "I-I told you dad, someone threw r-rocks."_

"_You fucking liar!"_

**_SLAP_**

_I screamed out in pain from being slapped on the same cheek twice in a row. He dragged me out of the room and out into the hallway and to the bathroom. I saw that the bathtub was filled to the brim with water. Dad forced me onto my knees in front of it, holding my wrists tightly with one hand while the other clutched my hair._

"_I'm giving you one last chance boy. Either you confess now or you receive the punishment for breaking the windows and lying straight to my face." The elder growled, "Who. Broke. Those. Windows?"_

_I was shaking as I tried to get my vocals to work. "D-Dad I'm telling the truth…I didn't break it…" I argued weakly, he let out a growl of anger. "Tch. Typical brat. Have it your way."_

_The next thing I knew was that I was swallowing mouthfuls of ice cold water as he dunked my head into the large tub. I started thrashing about and he yanked me up by my hair and I came up sputtering and coughing, shivering violently._

"_Who broke the windows!?"_

"_I don't know!" I choked as I barely managed to get any air in before I was plunged beneath the surface once more, once again choking on the water. Dad pulled me back up by the hair again and I instantly began coughing up the water, form both dunks, onto my clothes and the floor._

"_Disgusting brat!" He exclaimed and jerked on my tender strands once more and I struggled to keep from throwing up the rest. I don't want to make him any angrier than he already was. "You're going to clean that up later." I didn't get a chance to speak because I was once again surrounded by water. When he pulled me up, it took so much will power to keep from coughing it up. Dad pulled my head back and leaned close to my face; his breath tickled my ear._

"_You're a lucky brat ya know? I've been giving you several opportunities to come clean and you chose otherwise. I'm seriously down to my last thread of patience Katsuya." His deep voice rumbled through my eardrum as I continued trying to suck in the air I very much desired. He seriously doesn't believe me? B-But I didn't do it! I didn't!_

_I felt my body shivering and even twitching a bit—could I have done it? It didn't seem to have been an accident…maybe _**_I _**_was supposed to get hit but the windows were the only thing in the way from allowing the people who threw the rocks to do so? Maybe that was it. I'm not what people would call, 'The most liked Person' in the neighborhood, so maybe they were trying to hit _**_me_**_; trying to punish me. Dad always told me that I needed to be disciplined. I needed to stop fighting; this is my punishment…for lying to dad…for being bad..._

"_Now…tell me son, who broke the window?..." His voice was eerily calm and composed and that alone, terrified me._

_I tried to get my vocals to work and mumbled out a response in a small quiet voice that was weak and rasped. I don't feel good right now, my stomach feels like it's going to turn itself inside out any second and I can still feel the water in it, now feeling even worse than before._

"_Excuse me?" He inquired, "What was that? Who broke the windows?"_

_I shuddered and swallowed thickly, "I-I said i-it was m-me. I-I d-did it…" I stuttered as my teeth chattered. I'm freezing cold. He lifts his head and I watch as his brown eyes darken, glinting with a deep maroon until they turn a dangerous crimson brown._

"_I knew it." He stated, and with a massive amount of force, my head was thrown over the edge of the tub and I felt my chest collide harshly with the side of the solid object and a dull crack sounded. A pain-filled scream tore from my throat as I was plunged beneath the surface. This time however, he didn't pull me up after a few seconds. I felt the water clog my lungs, filling my airways with it and suffocating me. Everything's fading…everything so fuzzy…My eyes weakly opened to be greeted with the burning sensation of the water and wavering vision, I can't think straight anymore. I can't breathe…I can't…I ca-…_

"**Jounouchi!"**

My eyes snapped open and I'm blinded by the rays of light, shining through the window. My breathing's erratic and my pulse is racing. My shirt's sticking to my body from sweat. I sit up at my desk and I'm greeted by a pair of wide worried, amethyst eyes. I blinked and looked around; I was still in the classroom. I was here. I wasn't drowning—I'm _not_ drowning.

I feel pressure on my shoulders and return my eyes to meet Yugi's. "Jounouchi! Are you okay?" He exclaimed in a hushed tone, and I realize he's got his hands on my shoulders. "Yes…" I wheezed out, "…I just had a-an _awful_ dream."

Yugi threw me a wary look, his brightly colored eyes searching mine. "Must've been one hell of a dream. You're breathing and sweating like you ran a marathon." He spoke up finally after a few moments, I sighed and looked at my desk; my math book was still open but I had managed to complete a few pages before I fell asleep, my pencil still held captive in my hand. As he withdrew his hands, I closed my book and grabbed my bag, trying to ease my breathing as the dream kept replaying in my head; everything vivid and detailed. From my father's deep angry voice to the feeling of the water suffocating me.

After I stuff my books into my bag with shaky hands, I stood abruptly and stumbled back a bit, causing Yugi to grab hold of my arm. "Jounouchi are you seriously okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine Yug'." I reassured hurriedly, "Where is everyone?" I asked as I looked around again and noticed the class was empty, save the two of us. Yugi blinked, looking as if realizing something, "Oh right, I forgot to tell you that it's lunch time. My bad." He grinned sheepishly, "Everyone already went down not too long ago, I had stayed behind to finish packing my stuff and noticed you were still sleeping—which by the way, is quite surprising, considering the fact that you didn't even stir when the bell rang. You must have been really tired then…" Yugi trailed off as he took on the look he often got when he was going into deep thought.

_/You have no idea just how right you are Yug'…/_

I sighed in exasperation. Yugi had definitely changed during the last two years. He grew a bit, standing at my chest—like what, two inches taller than Shizuka—and he gained a bit of muscle. It's noticeable but it's not like mine. He's still pretty slim though. Also, his facial features are a bit more um, sharper, I guess? Kind of like Atem's but he still looks like himself. He's still cheerful and happy but now it's like…I don't know—mellowed down? It's kind of hard to explain really, now that I think about it…

Eh whatever, doesn't really matter.

I slip my bag over my shoulder and faced my distant looking companion. I used this time to gain control over my composure. I can't let Yugi see me like this; all anxious and trippy. He doesn't know about what happened with my old man and I either, or my past. Well he knew _some_ things—obviously, with the bit about me being in a gang and bullying him—but other than that he doesn't truly know. He doesn't know the whole story. It's not something I'm comfortable sharing with anybody but there are some exceptions to the rule…

Pushing those thoughts aside to the far corner of my mind, I lifted my hand and gave a sharp snap of my fingers right in front of his face and he blinked in surprise. "So how long was I out?" I asked and leaned back on my desk, placing my mask on and hiding my real feelings.

"Huh?"

"You said I was sleeping. How long was I out?" I repeated. He nodded, "Oh right, I think you fell asleep around…maybe…halfway through second period." Ah that's right. I had two periods of Math just as I did English. After lunch I have two more periods to go and then it's off to home. "Thirty minutes…" I murmured and felt my eyebrows draw together as I stared at the pale tiled floor. That's the shortest amount of sleep I've ever slept since these nightmares started nearly three months ago. That's not good. Hopefully, it's not permanent either.

"Yup, and I went over to wake you after I packed my stuff but you were practically dead to the world. A bit troubled in your sleep but otherwise knocked out."

"Troubled?" I couldn't help but question, "How so?"

"Well, you were sweating and you kept fidgeting and twitching a bit for a while."

I didn't reply; I didn't know _how_. So instead I went and started another conversation. "You know you don't have to wait for me Yug'," I spoke, "you already missed like maybe fifteen minutes already." I looked up and Yugi gave me a small smile, "Jounouchi, you should know that I don't mind this. It was my decision and it's already been made. You have got to stop making yourself feel responsible for these little things." I nodded. "Yeah...right." Then Yugi turned around and started walking to the other side of the room; towards the door. I straightened up and followed suit, quickly exiting the classroom behind him as we both headed on our way to the cafeteria.


	4. Chapter 3

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Hi guys! Again, I'm sorry for not having to have updated in a while, I was busy with testing and school as well as having problems at home. But I'm back and I've brought with me, the next chapter. *sheepishly scratches cheek* Hope you guys like and I would like to know what you all think of it in you reviews! I take them as constructive criticism just as much as I do encouragement! Feel free to give suggestions for the story too if you want!**

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

**CHAPTER 3:**

_(Journal Entry): Entry #36: God, I want to go home—I'm so tired. I seriously need to get some more sleep. Oh but wait…I can't, can I? Every time I fall asleep, I'm plagued by another nightmare; another memory. *Groans* This sucks so much ass! So MUCH! But…that memory I had before…of all things, why that one? That one…has so many links connected to it…ah, I can't think, I'm giving myself a headache…later journal. (End Entry)_

I closed the notebook, momentarily running my hand over its smooth and sleek, black leather surface, then slip the pencil on the side in its holder and lean back on the steps behind me; I was sitting in an empty stairwell on the west wing of the school. I put the book into my bag, making sure it was secured inside as usual. I can't be too careful, after all if somebody got their hands on this; I think I'd _die_. I've been writing in a journal ever since my old therapist managed to drill the idea inside my head back when I was thirteen. I have two other ones, both are identical to this one except in color; I went and started a new one once my old one was filled. I keep the other ones because tossing them away would've have been like throwing away all the progress I made through the years. It helps though, like it's an outlet for my pent up frustration and feelings. Although I don't write in it as much I should. But lately, for the past few months, I've _needed_ an outlet because I was just about to go crazy with all that anger and frustration.

So anyway, what am I doing here?

Well you see, what had happen was; I wasn't really hungry at lunch—which by the way, is still going on—so I told Yugi and the others that I was gonna go and get something to snack on from the machine and I did—which was a granola bar—but to be completely honest, I'm not all that hungry. I haven't been feeling well since Yugi woke me; my stomach's got these nauseous cramps and it just messes me up—I don't really know how to explain it all that well either…

So after eating the bar, I walked on my way back and felt nauseous and a little lightheaded and saw this stairwell and sat down on the steps to calm myself down. I guess it was just how I kept thinking about all that's happened these few months that made me start writing about them; strange huh? Yeah I know I am…

I lean back and rest my head against the railing and let my eyes fall closed. So tired…so, so, _so tired_…

"_I knew it." He stated, and with a massive amount of force, he threw my head over the edge of the tub and I felt my chest collide harshly with the side of the solid object and a dull crack sounded. A pain-filled scream tore from my throat as I was plunged beneath the surface. This time he didn't pull me up after a few seconds. I felt the water clog my lungs, filling my airways with it and suffocating me. Everything's fading…everything so fuzzy…_

My eyes snap open as my body jolts; god, why can't I stop thinking about it?

I will my body to relax as I leaned back against the railing. I doubt anyone would come out here at this time, which was why I should feel safe. Shifting my eyes, they were directed to my arms; which laid on the upper part of my thighs, hands folded and fingers lazily entwined. Snapped around each wrist were black leather cuff bracelets; a large buckle strap going around it in a securing fashion.

I grit my teeth as I was hit with familiar feelings; anger, sadness, _loneliness_…

_/I hate this…/_

I was starting to tremble as my breathing became slightly uneven as I tried to will the feelings away, god the _memories…_

_/I hate this _**_so _**_fucking much…/_

There was an itchy feeling suddenly from my wrists and the more I tried to ignore, the stronger the itching grew. With shaky fingers, I began to fiddle with the leather bands and unsnapped them, letting them fall on my lap. Almost desperately, I began to scratch them. This irritating burning itch was so…_irritating_. This has been happening for a couple weeks—my wrists would itch, and not just my wrists; a specific spot…

I hold both hands out, palms up, as I stare at the crisscrossing pattern on each wrist. Although a little red and irritated from scratching, the scar tissue is white, a dead white, almost a match for the hue of my already pale skin.

Trembling hands clenched into tight fists, before I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to calm my shaking. Pulling my knees up and resting my head on them, I closed my eyes.

_/I hate this_…/

I repeated the phrase in my head as my pulse sped up a bit, shaky breaths escaping my lips.

_/I hate this…I hate these stupid emotions, these stupid scars…why do I have to feel this way?...Damn, I hate this…/_

My heart continued to constrict with guilt, which was clutching tightly at it; showing no mercy. Shame wasn't too far behind as it danced across their battle, sprinkling little bits of itself everywhere it went.

I let out a quiet sniff and cringed as I was thrown the vivid images of the damaged inflicted upon myself, within my mind, burn into my memory. I can always recall the day I made those marks on my wrists with clarity. After all; it was the day I was hoping to end my life.

"_Damn it, I fucking _**_hate _**_this!" _I cried out weakly, _"Why do I have to feel this way when I see them!? Why is the guilt so strong? I can't help it that I did this! I can't…I hate this…"_

My vision blurred as tears invaded my eyes, and despite how hard I tried to keep them at bay, they leaked out which caused me to squeeze my eyes shut. I felt them trailed down my face and drip off my jaw. Ever since that day…I was never the same. Since I made that first cut, it was like an amazing clarity of vision. A whole new outlook on this damned world.

I let out another silent sniff as I leaned back against the railing once more and, keeping my knees up and together, I lifted a hand and rubbed my eyes, wiping away the tears. Sighing quietly, I let my head fall back and opened my eyes tiredly, curtained by my bangs.

The sunlight reflected off of the window and shone down on me. I continued to think as I once again got that itching feeling in my wrists.

After that incident, I had gone to therapy but I became even more temperamental than I already was which kind of contradicted my progress. This was also around the time I joined Hirutani's gang. God, the thirteen year was the **_worse_** year that I ever lived.

I sucked my teeth in annoyance with myself and grabbed the leather cuff bracelets, strapping them back on.

"I am one fucked up person." I sighed again and sat there for a while longer as I just stared through the window at the clear blue sky. Not a damn cloud in sight.

After enduring that for some time, I stood up, brushing myself off, and started walking down the hall, hands in my pockets and mood downcast. Lunch was about to end, and next period would start. This was going to be a long walk.

_/They're just scars…what is it that makes them different than any other scar my body?/_ I had been pondering on that single question for a good while now. /_What makes me so afraid that people might see them? Is it that they'll judge me? Question me? Treat me differently? Well fuck them if that's the case, I don't care about what others think of me.../_

But there's only _so_ much truth that sentence holds; that's _not_ the case, and I know it. But what? What is it that makes me so afraid?

I stop walking and my fist collides with the locker that's closest to me. _"Why…?"_ I whisper weakly,_"…I don't understand why…"_


	5. Chapter 4

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Hey everyone! It's Soul here and I really appreciate the reviews, favs and follows! Thanks a bunch! Now I hadn't mentioned this before but I wrote this based on real life experience I went through. It's going to get tough and more complicated but I don't know, maybe you guys will stick around long enough to like it? This is the first Puppyshipping fanfic I ever wrote but I'm a huge fan of it! And before people start ranting; Kaiba's going to be coming in later chapters. Anyway, sorry for the long wait. I had some bad Writer's Block—along with testing. I'm glad it's over now. Here's the fourth chapter of Confusion of the Heart! Hope you like!**

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

**CHAPTER 4:**

"_Argh!"_

_My body shook and twitched from the pain; that was definitely going to leave a mark. Just another bruise to add to the collection all over me._

"_Be quiet!" Another scream ripped through my throat as I felt the leather belt collide with my back again. I hunched over in pain as I coughed and panted heavily, tears sliding down my face as sobs left my lips. _

"_I said, be quiet!"_

_I winced as dad once again grabbed my hair; I couldn't help the little moan of pain that left my throat as he pulled my head back. My neck ached at the position, but I kept shut about it as I found myself staring into the hard eyes of my father. _

"_You seriously have trouble listening don't you Katsuya?"_

_I stayed silent, not knowing if he actually wanted me to answer or if it was just a rhetorical question. I tried to even out my breathing but my back and sides felt as if they were on fire! Especially from being in this position. The skin on my back burned and stung now that they weren't constantly being whipped at._

_But I knew he was right, I did have listening problems. Why else would he beat me? __**'You're just a kid. A kid who needs to be disciplined.'**__ is what he always told me. This is his way of discipline. Only those who can't behave get this; I'm one of those. _

_I'm beginning to feel a little lighten-headed and my body just won't stop shaking. Why am I shaking so much?_

"_You would think that being eleven years old; you would know better than to disrespect me by now." He sounds exasperated and I think, annoyed. I didn't mean to disrespect him. But he just kept going on and on about mom, saying such horrible things and how she went and took—and I quote—my "little brat of a sister" and left him with "the worst of the eggs". I don't why but I started screaming, telling him—begging him, to just please stop talking. I couldn't take anymore! I couldn't ignore it anymore. But I should have just kept my mouth shut for once, heh…that seems to be another problem I've always had._

"_What the hell are you smirking about boy?"_

_I blinked at him question, I hadn't even realized I was letting a small smirk slip. But I let it fall; I don't deserve to smile; only kids who behave get to smile. My head is pounding and I close my eyes for a moment, because everything is starting to tilt. Opening my eyes, I stare back dazedly into my dad's. "Nothing dad…just thinking about how you're right about me being…a horrible kid…m'sorry I can't be good…" My throat feels raw and scratching from all that screaming and crying. Hey, when did I stop crying? That's really weird—as a matter of fact; I can barely feel the pain anymore, I can barely feel…anything._

_His eyes widened a bit for a moment but return to normal and after a few seconds, I feel the hand on my hair loosen before letting go and I lift my head forward before bowing and staring at the floor. I'm so pathetic. Here I am on my knees in only my boxers with my hands bound behind me. All because I can't keep my mouth shut. I wish…I wish I could…I wish I could be good…I wish I could behave…I wish I wasn't so pathetic…!_

_I close my eyes again. My chest aches and I'm shuddering and shaking as I'm trying to keep myself from crying; he always tells me that I shouldn't cry, that if I want to be a man then I can't be crying all the time. But even so, I still fail him—because every time I get hurt or upset, I cry. Why? WHY? Why can't I just stop crying?! Why do I always fail him? _

_Just as the tears begin to slip through and fall, I feel his large rough hands, touch my back. My eyes shoot open and I let out a sharp gasp at the pain that suddenly seem to flare up once more, jerking away as my body arched and tensed._

_I grit my teeth, waiting for the next blow, but it…never came. Instead I feel his hands touch my back again—no, I feel his fingers trace over my back, making it sting but it seem bearable. My breathing's gone uneven and I'm terrified to look back as I feel his touch…it actually feels…gentle._

_What's going on? What's he doing?_

_I've never felt him touch me…like this. So…soft and gentle…maybe I'm just going crazy? "Nngh!" Nope. I can clearly feel the pain as his fingers went over a particular bruise on my back. OW, ow, ow! That one stung so much! The tears continue to slip down my face in thin trails and I let out sob. ARGH! Why am I so weak? I can't help but cry harder in anger at myself for being so weak and not being able to do anything._

_I hear dad sigh quietly from behind me and I feel him take his hands away before grabbing my wrists and soon I feel the rope around them loosen before falling off. Slowly, making sure it's okay for me to move; I maneuver my arms to the front of me and inspect them. The skin on my wrists is red and rubbed raw from the rope and my earlier struggling. They sting and burn as well. _

"_Go to bed."_

_My eyes widened. What?_

_I slowly peeked over my shoulder and gaze at my father that stood behind me. He was turned to the side and had one hand in the pocket of his jeans and the other one was tangle in his bangs, which curtained his eyes. His face seemed to be twisted into pain and maybe…anger._

_I…I made him angry, b-but what did I do? Was it because I was crying again?_

"_A-Are you o-okay, dad?" I asked quietly, what was going on with him? I watched as he winced, "Go to bed!" He ordered again, his deep voice bellowing throughout the living room and startling me. I tried to stand as quickly as I could, but my legs felt heavy and near numb and with weak arms to support me, I failed. The pain shooting through my body seemed to mock me. Gritting my teeth, I forced myself stand, slowly, as I ignored the pain. "Don't think; can't feel", is what I told myself. I reached out for the bookcase that was near me, panting. I looked over my shoulder again, "Dad?" I questioned weakly, my voice gruff and scratchy, my throat sore and raw. _

"_Just please…go to bed Katsuya…" He spoke equally quiet but I barely noticed as I was thrown into shock. He…he said __**please**__…_

_After returning to the present, I turned to look ahead on me and down the dark hallway. _

"_Goodnight, dad."_

I jolt awake, my eyes flying open and I could already feel my heartbeat drumming through my ribcage. My breathing is thick and I'm panting for air. Sitting up, I look around to realize that I'm in my room. I lift a shaking hand to my face and wipe away the tears I know are there, before running it through my hair as I try to calm myself down. I'm covered in sweat and my clothes are clinging to me. Looking around the room once more, my eyes find the alarm clock on my dresser near my bed.

**4:47 PM**

I've been asleep for about an hour. I let out a shaky sigh and move to sit on the edge of the bed, before standing. I walk over to the dresser trying to ignore the feeling of fear creeping up on me. I need to get ready for work and I don't need to be showing up and having a panic attack. After grabbing a fresh pair of underclothes, I shut the drawer and head to the door and leave the room. My head is swimming with images and voices from the memory.

Why?...

I remember that so clearly….why?

Why must I be haunted by these memories?

WHY?

I stop walking and hold my head in my hand as I feel another headache coming on. That's going to be the second one today; maybe on the way to work I can stop by the drug store and get some painkillers. Settling on that decision, I continue on my way to the bathroom.

.*.*.

I just finished putting a pair of boxers and a skin tight tank top on and grabbed a towel and began to dry my hair. Managing with one hand, I grab the doorknob and twisted it open and exited the bathroom, to be greeted with the cool air of the hallway.

I began to head back to my room as I thought about the memory. I'm a little more calm thanks to the shower but it still didn't make the anxiety completely disappear. Upon entering my room, I headed straight for the closet and grabbed my uniform. After drying my hair and ironing, I quickly got dressed; the uniform was pretty basic and was made to match the theme of the restaurant I work at.

The uniform consisted of a white long sleeve dress shirt and black dress pants and black shoes. But I like to roll my sleeves up to my elbows and wear black jeans (preferably skinny) along with either my boots or black sneakers. There's also this vest that's split in two colors, red on the left side and black on the right, which I was currently buttoning up. Quickly finishing the last button, I went over to my dresser and opened the top drawer, fishing through its contents until I found my cuff bracelets. After snapping them on, I looked at the clock.

**6:07 PM**

Okay, that's acceptable; I'll be on time if I leave now.

I rub my temple as I feel a dull ache course through my skull. God, this damn headache—and I won't have time to stop and get anything for it! Damn it! Sighing irritably, I grabbed my phone and keys off the dresser and leave my room and head to the one down the hall from mine. I knocked on the door. "Shizuka?" I called and moments after, I was faced with my sibling.

"I'm going to work now. You know the rules right?"

She nodded, "Don't open the door for anybody, unless it's Yugi, Honda, or Anzu. Keep my music either off or set low so that I can hear if anything happens. Keep my cellphone on or be by the house phone. Don't talk to strangers."

I nodded. "Good, always remember that." She smiled, "I know, now get going! You don't have the time to be standing here and securing my safety!" My eyes widened, "Crap, you're right!" I darted down the hall and grabbed my boots and began to put them on.

"Have you eaten anything?" Shizuka questioned as she caught up. I paused in lacing up my boot and thought back to what I had today and realized I had eaten…nothing, well not _nothing_—but the granola bar didn't really count. But I didn't have much of an appetite—and that's actually really strange, now that I think about that. I blinked, "No…" I trailed off; I had only the cup of coffee from this morning and water throughout today. When I came home I crashed on my bed. I continued lacing my boots as I heard her speak, "What? Why?"

"Like you said, I don't have the time."

"Promise me that you'll get something to eat?"

"I'll try." I spoke as I straightened and headed to the door. The weather's warm so I don't really need a jacket. After unlocking and opening the door, I stepped through, "Later!" I called and ran down the hall and stairs and out the apartment building.


	6. Chapter 5

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Hey everyone! It's Soul here and I'm back with fifth chapter of CONFUSION OF THE HEART; I really appreciate the reviews and the follows as well as the favs. I didn't expect this story to get so much attention, but I'm happy it did. I don't know if this chapter's any good however, but I thought it would be kind of cool if you guys got to see how Joey works and how I believe he would handle things if Kaiba came while he was working and messes with him. Sparks will eventually rise so I don't want a mob of angry reviews m'kay? *wink* Just kidding but no, I'm serious. Also, the OC's I use are mine and only mine. Don't take or I will flame and be pissed. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy! **

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

**CHAPTER 5:**

A yawn escaped my lips as I leaned back on the wall in the break room. I closed my eyes as I tried to numb the pounding in my head to a minimum. But of course it didn't work.

"Yo, Jounouchi."

I felt my eyebrow twitch in irritation as I opened my eyes slightly, no doubt forming a glare. I felt a hand snake up the nape of my back and slide around my waist. I tensed involuntarily but automatically knew who it was. I sent the glare to the green haired man next to me. "Not in the mood right now, _Akio_."

Being a year older than me, Akio was a tall and slim guy with a pale complexion and dark brown eyes. He also had layered bright green hair that reached just above his shoulders, with yellow streaks and tips and a fringe that was swept to the right side of his face. He also had two bottom lip piercings; he's got a few other piercings in his ears too. Right now he was dressed in the uniform.

He threw me a questioning look; "_Eh_? Daijoubu?" I lean my head back against the wall as he pulled me closer and I could feel the heat steadily creeping up my neck. "Akio, please, leave me. I told you I wasn't in the mood." I repeated quietly and let my head fall to the side, falling into the crook of his neck. /_Just let go_./ I felt his throat vibrate with a gentle hum then I felt his hand leave my waist and I took a step back, looking up at him in surprise; usually he doesn't just leave me alone like that. Brown eyes stared at me solemnly.

"You look like shit." He stated bluntly and I deadpanned. "Really?" I spoke with sarcasm dripping from my voice, "'Cuz I think dat I look _great_." I pushed myself from him and the wall and went to sit down on the bench.

"Sarcastic mutt." I growled, shooting Akio a heated glare. "You asshole! You already know how I feel about those dog comments! I deal with enough of that shit at school!" How dare him!

He grinned and sat down behind me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him, resting his face in the crook of my neck. "Sorry. Couldn't resist." He murmured, I swear he's freaking bipolar. But the next thing I knew, I felt the light press of his lips on my neck before traveling down to my shoulder. I froze upon the contact and immediately squirmed, breaking free from him and quickly scooted away to the end of the bench feeling my face heat up and my heart hammer. "You Hentai!" He laughed, "There's the Jounouchi I know." He mused and sat cross legged while facing me.

I rolled my eyes; this jerk. But despite me saying that, I do actually care about him a bunch. We met here at the restaurant back when I first started. He also helped me sometimes when I needed it and I do my best to repay the favor. But he can be a serious pain in the ass; he gay and he's got this weird attraction to me. This asshole just love to freaking mess with me and get me all flustered! My eyebrow twitches again, in annoyance as I continue to glare at him while he kept that stupid grin on his face.

"But seriously, you do look like crap."

I sighed, "Yeah I know. I've got a headache and I haven't gotten much sleep in a while okay?"

"No wonder you're being bitchy, you need your beauty sleep."

"Fuck you!"

I stand up from the bench and head to the door, "My break's over." I explain icily, "Don't try something stupid." He knows better than to mess with me while on the job but it doesn't hurt to remind him. "Like I'm dumb enough to do that." He muttered and I opened the door and exited the break room and headed back to the kitchen, grabbing my apron on the way.

"I need someone to take this order to table 7!" I hurried over as I finished tying my apron. "I got it!" I spoke and was handed many trays with plates, which I carefully balanced on my arms. I headed to the doorway and pushed the door open with my back. Adjusting to the dim lighting, I searched for table seven and quickly went over once I found it. As I set down their order I could feel my headache getting worse. I straightened and waited as they situated everything, "Is everything alright? Would you like anything else?" I asked, and the woman—who I assumed to be the mother—looked at me and nodded after scolding the two children across from her in the booth and the one next to her for causing so much ruckus.

"No, that'll be all. Thank you." I nodded and walked off; as I was walking by the stairs, I bump into someone. "I'm so sorry!" I spoke.

"No it's oka—Jounouchi!?" I did a double take, "Mokuba? What are you doing here?"

The raven haired teen looked me over, apparently observing my uniform. "I didn't know you worked here." "Yeah I do." What was he doing here? Because I doubt he'd come here by himself—Wait.

"Wait." I spoke, "If you're here then that probably means that Moneybags's is here too then?" He nodded looking a bit sheepishly, "Yeah Nii-sama and I always come to the Crimson Dragon when we can, we just got here a few minutes ago. Although we've never seen the place so busy." I frowned, "Yeah it's really busy tonight. Listen Mokuba, I can't exactly stay and talk right now."

"Right, right. See ya Jounouchi!" He spoke and disappeared into the crowd. I sighed in annoyance. "Great." I muttered; Kaiba was here. He was freaking HERE—at the Crimson Dragon!

"This just isn't my night."

I began walking back to the kitchen, where I was given another order. "Bring this to table 13." I nodded and left, balancing just as many trays on my arms as before." I searched for table 13 and froze once I saw who occupied it. I should've known; table 13 is in a more secluded area of the restaurant. Letting out a groan of annoyance, I walked over. Although a pair blue eyes seemed to have already spotted me as I neared. I placed the plates down on the table one at a time, feeling those damn eyes boring into me. Once I finished, I straightened, looking down at the two. "Is everything alright?" I asked, "Would either of you two like anything else?"

Kaiba smirked, "Yes I would like to order a Peanut Colada." I felt my eye twitch slightly this time as I drew out my notepad from my apron and wrote the order; he's doing this on purpose!

"Virgin or no?"

"I'll have a Non-Virgin." I quickly wrote that down and hurried away from them. Somehow it doesn't surprise me that Kaiba drinks alcohol but then again, I don't really care now do I? I got to the kitchen and handed the order in and soon left through the doors again holding a tray with the large glass on it. I walked slower than needed to the table, "Thank you." He smirked again once I arrived. As I grabbed the glass he spoke, "I'm surprised Jounouchi, you've actually tried to be presentable. You look like a groomed pooch."

I bit down on my tongue to keep from speaking. "What no reply? That's not very polite."

I bite down harder, sparing him a glare, and lifted the glass with trembling hands. He's so _annoying_!

"Uh…Jounouchi…?" I glanced at Mokuba, "You're shaking…"

"Watch it inu, you might make a mess. Not that it would surprise me." I gripped the glass harder, pausing a moment in setting it down before I brought it down, hearing it make a rather harsh collision with the table. I watched as the fruity drink slushed around in the glass slightly, before settling.

"That could have made a mess." Kaiba spoke simply and the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth as my teeth gnawed at my tongue. Swallowing thickly before I finally spoke. My voice sounding flat and near monotone.

"My apologies sir, it won't happen again."

Kaiba eyes widen slightly in, what may have been, surprise. "Now," I spoke again, keeping that same flat tone. "is there anything _else_ that you need and/or want? Or is everything in order this time?" He looked away nodding, "Yes that will be all."

I nodded and hurriedly walked away. My tongue now sore and bleeding slightly but I couldn't help but think about his expression. Before he was so confident, with that taunting smirk, but then…he looked so surprised and just stopped. I can't explain why, but it made me feel weird…

I sighed as I headed back into the kitchen; I don't have the time to deal with Kaiba and thoughts of him. Right now the only thing that matters is work.

.*.*.

I yawned as I opened the door to the apartment, steeping inside and into the darkness. I closed the door before leaning against it. I'm fucking _exhausted_. I forced myself to get off the door as I bent over to unlace my boots. After putting them aside I walk down the hall, stopping by Shizuka's door and peeking in. She's sleeping peacefully in her bed. I leave the door cracked open a bit and proceed to, first the bathroom, and once done in there, to my bedroom. I shed myself of my uniform and laid them across the radiator cover. I'll deal with them in them later. I look at my watch.

**2:55 AM**

I let out another yawn as I walked to my bed and crawled into it before laying on my back and stare up at the ceiling.

I'm tired as hell but…I'm afraid to go to sleep…

A small exhale escaped my nose and I closed my eyes. I don't want to have any more nightmares…I don't. But, I guess that's just not my decision. So with that floating thought drifting about in my brain, I let the hands of sleep take me.


	7. Chapter 6

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Hey everyone! It's Soul here and I'm back with sixth chapter of CONFUSION OF THE HEART; I really appreciate the reviews and the follows as well as the favs. I didn't expect this story to get so much attention, but I'm happy it did.**** Anyway, here is the next chappie of CONFUSION OF THE HEART!**

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

**CHAPTER 6:**

The first thing I did after I woke up was run straight to the bathroom and empty anything that was in my stomach—which wasn't much—until I was just plain dry heaving. I let go of the toilet rim shakily and leaned against the wall, panting heavily as my body rocked with tremors. God I haven't felt _this_ shitty in a _long_ time…

A groan left my throat as my thoughts jumbled together; I can't even fucking think straight….

I reached over and flush the toilet before shakily forcing myself to my feet. My stomach feels like hell ran through it and it's hard to breathe because I can't take even breaths! Uuuuuughhhh….

I walk over to the sink and turn on the tap and wash my mouth out and my face off. I grip the sink tightly once a wave of dizziness washes over me and I shut my eyes, keeping my death grip until it passed. I open my eyes wearily and I'm met with my shitty reflection. My skin's like a rival for Ryou's right now and I have dark bags under my eyes. Gosh this just isn't my week. It's Friday and I'm sick. What a wonderful way to start the weekend. Great. Pushing down the nausea I could feel bubbling up, I wobbled to the door and opened it, pausing a moment to lean of the doorframe and taking deep, uneven breaths, before I staggered back to my room. I leave the door open a bit before heading to my bed, glancing at the alarm clock near it.

**4:00 AM **

I crawl into my bed and think about that… I only had six hours of sleep. "At least I got a bit more sleep this time…." I mumbled, closing my eyes. "Plus, I don't remember that fucking nightmare..." I knew I had a nightmare. Since when the fuck do I not? But…at least this time I can't remember it…

I cringe as a sharp shot through my abdomen. "Ooooowwwww…" I gasped breathlessly, not even having the energy to gather more air. Itai, why does it have to hurt so much? I forced my trembling body to relax into the mattress while lying on my stomach and burying my face into the pillow; taking deep, slow breaths and the pressure of my weight against the bed tones down the nausea. It makes it bearable. I lazily reached out and blindly groped for the blankets until I found them, pulling them over my shivering frame despite me sweating like hell. I focused on my breathing and trying to even it out as I emptied my thoughts. Shit, just let me _sleep _damn it.

Soon though, I am rewarded as I feel myself slowly becoming distant with everything, my body becoming heavy and my mind shutting down as I fell into the dark abyss.

.*.*.

"…nii…an…?"

I groaned quietly at hearing the small voice invading my head.

"On…ch…?"

I hear the voice grow louder as well as a gentle shaking.

"Kat….ya?..." A different name? "Kat…suya…!"

Please stop talking….gotta a headache….

"_**Katsuya….!**"_

My eyes open as I jolt awake, grabbing my head immediately as I feel like I'm hit with a sledge hammer in the fucking forehead. Rolling over and clutching my head groaning, I tried to will the pain to a minimum but of course didn't freaking work!

"Katsuya?!" I wince as I feel a pulsation in my temple. "Too loud…." I muttered as I rolled to face the opposite of the window and squinted into the worried eyes of my sister. She was dressed in her uniform and was sitting on my bed with her hand on my legs. "What's wrong? Daijoubu desuka? Katsuya!" She asked a little softer, but worry and concern was still evident in her voice. I closed my eyes once they began to burn and pulled the blankets around me again, which had come undone due to my rolling fit.

"Don't feel good…" I groaned weakly as I felt the nausea return with vengeance. I felt the cool skin of the back her hand touch my face and neck. "Jeez, Onii-chan, you're burning up!" I let out a small whine once her hand retracted, missing the temporary cool relief.

I swallowed thickly, trying to take deep breaths despite my exhaustion and my shaking.

"I think I should stay home today Onii—"

"_No."_ I hadn't bothered to open my eyes because I knew she was going to start arguing. "Onii-chan!" She huffed, "You're sick and you need someone to aid you! I wouldn't mind having to miss one day in order to make sure you feel better."

"Shizuka no…" I muttered, as forced myself to sit up. "...this is nothing, I'll be fine. Besides, you have school and I don't want you to miss a single day unless _you're_ sick." I panted softly; my whole body was shaking terribly. "Speaking on that matter; I don't want you to catch whatever it is that I caught. Trust me lil' sis, I'm gonna be fine. You are not to stay home at all today or even be here until after school has ended. Do I make myself clear?" My voice was weak and shaky but still held some authority in it as I stared into my little sister's earthy colored eyes. Her face fell sullen as her eyes glittered with disappointment and worry.

"Yes Onii-chan." She spoke as she moved off the bed and stood, facing me. "Is there anything that you would like for me to get for you before I go?"

I sighed shakily as I folded over, feeling the pain return to my stomach. But because of the position, it felt like all the blood rushed to my head and a drum was pounding away at it. I gritted my teeth as I forced the nausea down. "A glass of water would be much appreciated…" I moaned weakly, "…and perhaps a bucket too…"

She nodded and I closed my eyes once more as I slowly slumped into the bed, clutching my midsection. I'm sweating like hell, despite only wearing a tank top and shorts. After a few moments, I heard the door squeak as it was opened and I heard Shizuka's footsteps. She set the bucket down before gently shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes and forced myself up as I saw the glass of water in her hands. She offered it to me and I accepted it, taking small sips from it. I lowered the glass from my mouth when my stomach started to rebel again.

"Hmm…" I hummed, "…I'm tired…" She took the glass away from my trembling hands and I attempted to straighten my back as I felt a weird heavy pressure in my chest; it was like my rib cage was closing in. But that's impossible—yet that's what it felt like. I shifted so I could lie down and pulled the blankets around me again. I closed my eyes as I heard shuffling and felt Shizuka's small hand pet my head softly; slightly running her hands through my hair. It was a comforting action. She pulled away and spoke, "Alright Onii-chan I'm going now." I gave a soft grunt in reply and I heard the soft padding of her feet walk to the door before exiting. I let the silence that now ruled my room, lull me back into a restless sleep once again.


	8. Chapter 7

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Hey everybody! It's Soul here with the new chappie! I'm really do appreciate the reviews and favs and followers, because when I first started this story I didn't think it could ever get a popular as it is currently—and this is just chapter seven! I really do love the love that you guys give this story and it's still developing actually. I'm making up ideas as I go along because the original idea for this just didn't fit anymore. I hope you guys keep reading and I'll try to update like every other week. Thanks so much again—laterz! **

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

****CHAPTER **7:**

I let out a yawn as I exited the bathroom dressed in a pair of boxers and a white tank. I woke up a while ago, feeling somewhat better but still feverish and immediately went to wash up and take a shower because I was freaking covered in sweat and smelled like sick. Not the greatest thing to wake up to if you ask me. I dried out my hair with towel as I head back to my room. Once in there, I glance at the clock;

**1:55 PM**

Did I mention I hate waking up late? No? Well I do. I guess it's because I'm so used to waking up earlier or just not going to sleep at all. _That_ and because I feel like I waste my day by just sleeping. I like to be up. It's also nice to watch the sun rise from the apartment windows, especially in the summer.

I frowned as I realize I'm rambling. I continue drying my hair as I walk over to my dresser and grabbed my iPod, taking out my headphones and scrolling through my music. I settled on my Get Scared Playlist and just set it on my dresser and let it play. I walked over to the window and looked up at the sky, seeing it to be filled with dark grey clouds. I tear my gaze from window and leaned on the wall next to it. I don't really want to stay inside but Shizuka would have a fit if she knew I left the house without reason.

The little ache in my temples reminded me of my headache I had and it quickly gave me reason to go out; considering I keep forgetting to get painkillers every other time I go out. Satisfied with that decision, I pushed myself off the wall and started over to my dresser; opening it and peering inside for something to wear. I grabbed a pair of dark skinny jeans from one drawer and pulled out dark red long-sleeve shirt. I got dressed and ran a comb through my now dry hair. Although while doing so, I noticed how long it had gotten; now reaching a little bit below my shoulders and my bangs hanging in my eyes—well more so than usual. I shook my hair out a bit. I pulled my jeans up a bit, feeling them sag again. They were a bit baggy, but still fit okay on me. I strode over to my closet and began shuffling through it as I searched for a jacket or sweater.

"_You could be the corpse and I could be the killer. __If I could be the devil, you could be the sinner. __You could be the drugs and I could be the dealer…Everything you say is like music to my ears..." _I sang quietly as SARCASM blared from my iPod speakers.

**_Don't mind us we're just spilling our guts  
>If this is love I don't wanna be loved<br>You pollute the room with a filthy tongue  
>Watch me choke it down so I can throw it up.<em>**

_**Don't mind us we're just spilling our guts**_  
><em><strong>If this is love I don't wanna be hanging by the neck<strong>_  
><em><strong>Before an audience of death<strong>_  
><em><strong>(Before an audience)<strong>_

Most people don't expect me to listen to this type of music—personally I can listen to any, it's just I kind of prefer rock music. Mostly because of how well I can relate to a lot of the different songs. Take SARCASM by Get Scared; despite how crazy the song is, I can still see the depth of it. I pulled out my hoodie from the closet once I found it and shut it, heading back to my bed and laying it on it. I went over to my dresser again and changing the song to a new one before heading back to the bed and grabbing my sweater and slipping it on and zipping it up, it was just a solid navy blue.

But enough of my rambling, I grabbed my wallet and slipped that into my back pocket, hooking the chain connected to it to the front loop of my pants. I grabbed my phone and my keys off the dresser shoving them into one of my front pockets and plugged my headphones back into my iPod, quickly changing the band to Skillet, and unzipped my sweater, putting the wire inside and the iPod in my jean pocket before pulled my sweater over it. I put an ear bud in my ear and put the other one over my shoulder. I pressed play on the mic and I heard Whispers In The Dark begin. I glanced at the clock.

**2:45 PM**

It's nearing dismissal time so I better hurry. I strode over to my door, flicking the light switch off, and down the hall to the doorway; where I quickly slipped on and laced my combat boots before opening the door and exiting the apartment.

.*.*.

I looked up at the sky once I exited the main doors of the building. The clouds seemed to be even darker than they appeared before. That meant a serious storm was on its way. The temperature also dropped a bit and was now even cooler than before. I look away from the sky and break off into a run down the block. Personally I have no problem with the rain, in fact, I love it. Rainstorms are my favorite. But the last thing I need is to get even sicker than I already am.

I slowed to a stop once my lungs began to beg for air. I leant over, hands on my knees and panting heavily, breaths coming out harsh and my throat hurting from the cold air. Coughing lightly, I straightened myself out so I could look at my surroundings. I was right by the park entrance that was down the block from my apartment. I walked inside and looked around, finding the place empty. People most likely stayed indoors because of the weather. I scanned the park and saw the fountain in the middle of it all. I walked over to it and sat on the small wall, trying to catch my breath.

I stared up at the sky again. I don't know why but there's something that so calming about the rain, or even just cloudy days like this. I'm not like most people, who would hurry to get in shelter. I wouldn't mind being drenched.

Sighing softly, I stood up. Although that action may have been too fast, because I felt dizziness swarm me as my vision blackened for a second. I quickly tried to ground myself and sat back down, holding on to the edge of the wall, hunched over. I felt my stomach clench in pain as nausea threatening to take over again. I silently begged that it would pass; my eyes were screwed shut and my breathing was ragged. Soon though, thankfully, the nausea did subside and I opened my eyes slightly. I sat there for a few more moments as I tried to gather my wits before I stood once more, slower this time.

I decided that I needed to get to the drugstore and quickly. Whether it is to buy painkillers or medicine or both, I don't frikken care. I began heading in the direction to the park entrance and felt my energy levels slowly depleting.

I exited the park and made a turned to my right; the closest drugstore was on the next block. Halfway there though, I began to feel a bit warm but the breeze blowing also made me cold. I was getting sick again and my fever was coming back. Right now it was bearable but I didn't wanna pass out in the middle of the street or anything. Cuz there's barely any people out here and few cars driving around here. For right now, I just prayed that I'll get to the store without any problems and listened to my music.

.*.*.

I panted softly as I stopped in front of the drug store doors, I felt _so_ fucking tired and I can't stop shaking. I pushed the doors open and went straight to the aisle for medicine. I walked through and saw a row filled with orange boxes. I grabbed one and read the front. It was called _Rubizone_ and it was a pain reliever _and_ apparently a fever reducer in one. Score. I turned around and a spotted a bunch of white and blue boxes to my right. I walked closer and picked it up. It was called _Dormavane_. On the front it read;

**Herbal Sleeping Capsule**

**Calming & Relaxing**

**Helps Induce Sleep **

_You __**need**__ this…!_ My thoughts hissed and after grabbing it, I quickly turned around and walked in the direction of the register, seeing no line I went over and laid my items on the counter. As the cashier scanned the boxes, I leaned on the counter slightly, feeling a bit weak. We were both startled by the roll of thunder that cackled through the city, closely followed by lightning. I gave her the money and grabbed the bag before walking away. As I reached the doors, I saw that the rain had begun; I reached into my pocket and took out my phone, checking for the time.

**3:55 PM**

It was nearly half an hour after dismissal. I scrolled through my messages and saw 2 missed calls from Yugi, 2 from Anzu, 3 from Shizuka and 4 from Honda. I went through my texts and saw the same amount. I clicked Shizuka's recent message and read it.

_**Katz I'm going to a friend's house until the rain passes. Be back later. **_

I slipped my hand through the bag's hole so I could hold my phone better and texted her back; I tucked my phone away and pulled my hood over my head before exiting the store. Oh damn! It was so _cold_! Well as cold as it could be during a Fall rainstorm but the raindrops felt icy against my face, which was quickly turning numb. Lightening flashed through the sky again, followed by claps of thunder. I shivered and began walking, looking about and trying to get my brain to focus enough so I could head in the direction of home.

By the time I was—I think—half a block away from the store, I couldn't tell if it was rain water or sweat that ran down my neck because I felt like I was in a frikken sauna. But at the same time I was freezing, alerting me that my fever had definitely gone up. My headache had only gotten worse, which resulted in various dizzy spells and leaving my stomach feeling queasy and I could feel my trembling intensify with each passing second. I took soft shallow breaths because I just didn't have enough energy to even breathe properly. My legs feel so shaky and weak right now that I'm afraid I'll collapse; a quivering breath escapes me and I'm hit with another dizzy spell.

I staggered as black spots crowd the edge of my vision as everything dulls, before I feel a numbing sensation taking over. I gaze around, my eyes spotting a passing car, until finally everything faded into darkness.


	9. Chapter 8

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Hey everyone! So here's the new chappie! I know a lot of you wanted Kaiba to be more engage in this story so I'm trying to do my best with that. I hope you like this chapter because I had a rough time writing it and I seriously hope it's not so bad. Please enjoy.**

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

****CHAPTER **8:**

"…ey…nou…chi…"

I let out a quiet whine at hearing the intruding voice. It's so dark though, why is it so dark?

"In…wak…up…"

Up? Up what? This voice…it…sounds familiar…

"Wake…up….I…nu…"

Another groan escapes me, this time louder.

"_**Wake up!**"_

I gasp audibly as my eyes snap open. Everything's a blur and there is a sick pounding in my skull. I groaned and shut my eyes, wanting the pain to stop more than anything.

"Inu, don't you dare close your eyes again."

Wait a moment, that's the voice from before. Although I don't want to, I open my eyes and look around slightly, everything slowly coming into focus. My eyes are met with the sight of CEO, Kaiba Seto. The hell…?

"_Kaiba…?"_ I questioned, my voice sounding a little raspy and quiet. I was confused and he was still a little blurry.

"Yes it's me." He responded quietly, "I'm going to need for you sit up okay?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion at this but nonetheless accepted his help in helping me sit up. My vision swam slightly and I soon found myself in strong arms and leaning on something firm. _"Dumb mutt."_ I heard the soft mutter as I forced myself to stay grounded. I lean closer into this warm place; because it was then I realized that I was frikken cold. I hear a new voice enter my fuzzy thoughts.

"_Sir, I do believe it would be best if we were to get help for him."_

"_Don't you think I know that?"_

"_My apologies, it's just he doesn't seem very aware at the moment and like he may faint again."_

I heard a sigh, feeling the rise and fall of the object I'm leaning on. I suppose that what I'm leaning on is breathing? I don't know… I don't really care all too much either. _I just wanna sleep, I'm so tired…_

"_Alright then what do you propose?"_

"_Should we take him to a hospital?"_

"_I don't think there will be much they can do. People don't necessarily go to hospitals for fainting unless obtaining an injury, and I don't see one on him."_

"_Then shall we take him back to the manor?"_

I heard silence and I shifted a bit; my thoughts are getting fuzzier. Who were these people again? What are they talking about?

"_Fine." _Fine what?_ "I'll have him looked over once we get there though." _Hmmm…_who_?...

I no longer hear the voices and I take it that whatever it was is settled. Satisfied with that, I let myself drift off back into the awaiting darkness.

.*.*.

A small moan left my lips as my eyes fluttered open. I don't move and wait as my senses are restored, before I move my gaze to my surroundings. It's a bit dim in here number one, and I can tell that 'here' is a room. A bedroom maybe. My eyes widen at the thought; this was not my room. Who's room is this? Who's house is this? How'd I get here? I quickly sit up, looking about. I feel an annoyingly painful pulsation in my temples. Wonderful. A headache. I wish it would seriously go away. I look down at myself and bristled, seeing that the clothes I'm wearing aren't the ones I was wearing before and I highly doubt belong to me. A simple pair of black sweatpants and a dark grey long sleeve shirt, which apparently is too big, so the neck line hangs a bit and creates a 'v'; the sleeves are baggy and reach my knuckles. Panic sets in and I observe the room more carefully, my eyes widening at the décor.

The room was really large and the walls were painted a pale, dark mustard color while the ceiling was painted white. There's a section of the room to my right that's pushed in, with two large windows with really nice looking wooden frames and golden curtains. Right in front of the windows, was a sofa that had no back to it and it was a dark maroon color and two matching pillows with golden designs on them. There was also a chair on the left side of the couch and one on the right side; both of them were also maroon colored. They were angle toward the couch and I leaned forward a bit, spotting a coffee table in the middle of it all. It was made with a dark brown, polished wood. I looked in front of me to see a fireplace and a flat screen TV on the wall above it. To the right of it, there was a white panel door with a golden handle. I looked to _my _right and potted another door on the wall identical to the other. Beside the bed was a night table of the same design as the coffee table. My eyes lastly landing on the queen sized bed that I'm lying on; the blanket was a deep gold and black design and I looked behind me to see three pillows with matching designs as the ones on the blanket. The headboard is also a very dark brown, polished wood.

I quickly get out the bed but freeze as I hear the sound of a door opening. I turn around and I'm faced with a small slender woman staring at me with wide hazel brown eyes, filled with surprise. She was fair skinned and had long aqua colored hair which faded into a darker blue as it went down, pulled into a ponytail that reached below her shoulders and she wore a maid's outfit. I blinked as I felt myself shake in anxiety; I backed up slightly, the back of my knees hitting the bed. Suddenly she lets out a smile, one that's warm and relieved. I feel my guard go down just a little.

"Oh thank goodness!" Even though she sounded happy; her voice still sounded soft and gentle, "I was really beginning to worry when you would awaken." I felt my guard rise again as she closed the door before walking to me. I eyed her wearily. "Wh…Who are you…?" I question softly, confusion and fear leaking into my voice. "Where am I?...Why am I here…?" She stared at me, her expression switched to concern before understanding. "Oh how rude that was of me. Gomenasai," She apologize, "it would only make sense that you're afraid; waking up in a stranger's house and all." She suddenly bows and once she straightens, she gives that same warm smile.

"My name is Ishiyama Karin and this is the Kaiba manor."

My eyes widen; Kaiba manor…? What am I?...

"_Kaiba…?" I question, my voice sounding a little raspy and quiet. I was confused and he was still a little blurry._

"_Yes it's me." He responded quietly_,

I blink as I thought back of the memory and voices I heard. I looked back at Karin. "Why am I here?" I inquired, "My lord had seen you faint out in the storm and decided to bring you here to recover." How many times am I going to be baffled today?

Kaiba? Brought me to his house? _Willingly_? No way. But…here I am….

Wait…

I _fainted_?

"_I fainted?_" She nodded. "_Why_?" "I'm not sure actually but you were quite sick when you arrived here." It was then that I remembered what I had been doing, how I had starting feeling sick, how I came from the drugstore; the storm…

"I must go and inform my lord of your awaking; please excuse me." I nodded and she turned and strode towards the door before exiting the room; softly shutting the door behind her and leaving me alone again. I sighed as I sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling weary…today has just not been my day.

I look around the room, before spotting the large windows. I got up and walked over to it and sat on the sofa, facing the window staring out of it. It was apparently still raining, but I couldn't decipher the time of day because the clouds were so dark. Evening maybe…?

I continue to stare out the window for a while longer before I hear the sound of the door clicking open, causing me to turn around and find Karin entering the room; she stands near the door. I stay by the window.

"I have informed my lord of your awakening. Is there anything that you may need sir?" I stared at her before looking down at the cream colored carpet. My eyes narrowed slightly. "Yes actually." I spoke, looking up and at her again. "I have a few questions that I need answers to." She nodded and gestured to where I'm sitting, I looked down at the coffee table and I hadn't noticed before but there was a tray with a tea set on it and something with a cover over it.

"Do you mind if we talk this over while having a snack and some tea? I brought it a little while before you woke up in case you were hungry." I felt my stomach growl softly; I guess I am kind of hungry…

I nod slightly and rest my elbow on the armrest and lean my head in my hand. I watch as Karin walks over and began pouring tea in two cups then lifted the cover off of a plate to reveal some type of cake.

"Would you like a slice of Tiramisu?" I blinked. "Huh?" "Would you like a slice of Tiramisu?" She gestured to the cake; I stared at it before giving a hesitant small nod. After slicing the cake and handing me my piece on a smaller plate, I take a bite.

"This is really good. What is it?" I murmured and looked at her, only to find her looking slightly startled. /_Oh, that's right!/_ I realized. /_I read somewhere that the company wasn't supposed to engage in conversation with the servants./_ I mentally cringe, /_Well that's kind of rude. Servant or not, they're still people./_ I tossed her a friendly smile, the first one I had since I woke up, and she smiled in return, light blush dusting over her cheeks. "Thank you. It's an Italian dish I had recently learned. You're the first to try it." I give a small smile. "I give you an A+ then." I joke lightly and she grinned slightly, "Thank you." "No problem." I took another bite before I spoke, setting the plate in my lap.

"So um," I began, "how long, exactly, was I out?" Seems like a good way to start off. She sat down in the armchair diagonal from me, "Well I'd have to say from maybe an hour to an hour and a half ." I nodded, "Okay then. Next question; why did Kaiba bring me here?" She looked at me in slight confusion. "I thought I had told you that already before?" I shook my head, "I mean why not a hospital?"

"Oh I see, at the time my lord had not known the extent of your physical status but even when he brought you here, he had you looked at by Kazuki to see if you did or did not need a hospital. To be honest, you still look quite pale as well as tired if I may say so." I nodded slowly, taking in this new info. So he took me here instead of to a hospital because he thought that I didn't need one? Figures. I still wanna know _why_ though. But I'll save that for the next time I see him. I need to hear it from him himself.

I sighed, "Alright then, next question; where are my clothes?" "Oh they were put in the laundry; they were soaked and dirty and we couldn't have you sleep in wet clothing otherwise you'd make yourself even sicker than you already were. While you were unconscious we had you changed into dry clean clothes."

"Who's clothes exactly, am I wearing?" I blurted out. "Those would be the master's clothes." I felt myself freeze when I heard that, staring at her in shock. /_I'm…wearing…Kaiba's…clothes…?/_ My eyes widen, _"I'm wearing __**Kaiba's**__ clothes?!"_ I exclaimed loudly, causing her to jump slightly. I quickly tried to compose myself.

"Why…?" I ask weakly, "Master Mokuba's clothes were too small for you." She explained, "Master Seto gave you them because he was the only one who you could fit."

"_His clothes are much bigger than mine."_ I jab back, I'm irritated because not only did Moneybags see me faint, but he brought me to his house and now I'm wearing his clothes. Fucking _wonderful._ I'm never gonna live this down. Karin let a small frown pass her lips. "Yes, we realized that. You are not only smaller but you are also much thinner than he is. But it was all we could do." I sighed and set the plate down on the table and grabbed the pillow from behind me, hugging it in my arms and leaning on the armrest and window behind me. My legs were curled up and on the couch with me; those stupid sweatpants legs were passed my feet though, concealing them from sight.

"It's fine, I mean I'm wearing them aren't I?" I muttered. "Where is the rest of my stuff?" She looked at me questioningly, "Keys, phone, iPod, wallet…" My eyes widen in realization, "…and where are the medications I bought? They were in a black bag." She seemed to understand now. "They are all in the nightstand drawer beside your bed." I sighed in relief, "Okay then."

"Are you not going to eat anymore? You only took a few bites. Is there something else that you would prefer?"

"No." I muttered, "I'm just not really hungry." She frowned slightly, "Would you like to watch TV? Or perhaps a movie?" I thought about that before giving a small nod, not really wanting to talk anymore. She stands up and walks over to the flat screen TV on the wall . She grabbed a remote off the fireplace shelf and began setting up whatever she was doing as I let my thoughts drift away. Why would Kaiba do this? What's his game? What's he playing at here? Why hasn't he kicked me out yet?

"You're channel is ready sir." I blink and see Karin standing in front of me with the remote in her hand held out to me. I reached out and grabbed it, looking past her to see the screen. It was on Netflix. She walked away as I began searching through it trying to find something to watch and just settled on watching some horror movie. Just as it was starting, I felt a blanket being draped over me and look over at Karin in surprise. But she just grinned at me, "It's a bit chilly Jounouchi." I nodded, "Thanks." I said softly, "Do you wish for the lights to be left on or turn off?" She asked and I shrugged, "Off, I guess." She nodded and walked back to the door, flicking the light switch off as she left, and leaving me alone in the darkness.

.*.*.

I turn the TV off and place the remote down on the coffee table. I watched a couple of movies and that was about it. I pulled the blanket around me as I turned toward the window, leaning my head on the glass as I stared out of it. It was no longer raining but the clouds were still dark and there no sight of the sun, although I'm not sure if it was even up anymore. I still had no idea what time it was. I moved and got up from the couch, leaving the blanket on it, and walked over to the nightstand. I opened the top drawer and to my relief, I saw familiar things. I shuffled things around seeing my phone and keys, my wallet and the bag. I grabbed my iPod, turning it on and checking the time,

**7:30 PM**

My eyes widened at seeing how late it was. How long have I been here? I turned off the iPod and shut the drawer, turning and walking back over to the couch. Once I was seated in my spot, sitting cross-legged and had the blanket wrapped around me, I remained looking out the window. I don't feel like listening to music. Actually I'm feeling…well I'm feeling kind of empty…just, nothing really. I don't have a reason to feeling something so why should I? Looking out the window and all I see are trees. There's a tree that's close to the window; so close that I think if I were to open the window and reach out, I would be able to grab a branch or two.

I shifted my eyes downward to the ground, which I realized was quite far. If I were to open this window and let myself fall, what would be the outcome? I know I would be injured, but just how bad would the damage be? Broken arms or legs? Fractured ribs? Twisted neck? Spinal damage?

Or all of the above?

_/Why am I thinking about this?/_ My thoughts questioned as I blinked in slight shock. To let these thoughts pass without feeling? Without _reaction_? "What's wrong with me?" I whispered as I stare at the grass. I exhaled quietly as the feeling of weariness tangles my mind in its web. This past week I just haven't been feeling it…it feels like everything I'm doing is forced and all I want to do is just lie down and sleep—no not sleep; I just…I just want to drift…just for a little bit, I want to drift into a place where I can escape. So I can just recharge; because all of this—everything that's been going on—has felt like a heavy weight weighing down on me and I don't think I can take it much longer.

I let out a frustrated growl and tear my eyes way to glare at the wall across from me. These aren't normal thoughts and I shouldn't be thinking them. I let the glare fall and fatigue began to set in once more. I just want all this to stop. The nightmares most of all.

It's been near three months since they first started appearing. But why? Why am I being reminded of what happened? What my life was before? I can't remember the last time I was able to get a solid, nightmare free sleep besides today. I've been feeling so drained and exhausted…

I let out a yawn. /_I wonder what the rest of the mansion looks like…/ _I wondered and then I sat upright as an idea came to my head. I could go and explore the mansion in order to pass the time. Why hadn't I thought of this before?

_/Because Kaiba might castrate me if he find out I'm snooping around his house./_

I ignored that thought as I stood up, letting the blanket fall and shivered at feeling the cool air. I hadn't realized the temperature had gone down so much. I let my eyes scan the room before falling upon a black piece of cloth folded on one of the chairs. I grabbed it and undid it as I inspected it. I realized it was a hoodie and I slipped it on, scowling when I realized it was also big for me and who it belonged to but I brushed it off and walked across the room, heading to the door and opening it cautiously. I peered out before slipping out into the hallway and closing the door behind me. I shivered again as I realized it was even chillier out here! I felt Goosebumps form on my body despite the layers I'm wearing. I scowled in annoyance; maybe I should find the thermostat in this place because the frikken heat needs to be turned up. With that thought in mind, I set out in the direction to my left, going down this long and seemingly endless hallway.


	10. Chapter 9

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Hey everyone! It's Soul here and I've got the new chapter~! I'm so sorry for the long wait; a lot of stuff happened with my family and my depression has been interfering with my writing. Things aren't much better but I just need an outlet. This was so difficult to write… *sighs* Well, I'm just glad I got it done. I hope you all like. Enjoy.**

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

****CHAPTER **9:**

So far, all that I've seen are hallways and doors. So my attention is immediately caught when I see a staircase to my right on the corner. Almost everything in this manor's décor is made up of warm colors and dark polished wood—including this railing, with black metal bars. There was only one railing because the stairs were attached to the wall; the stairs itself were a beige color and looked like they were made of marble. They were frikken cold, that's for sure. Let's not forget I'm barefoot and there's no carpeting in here; just a few amazing looking rugs here and there. I've been walking on my toes as a reflex to the cold, for the longest. I frikken hate the damn cold.

The staircase curved a bit and was kind of long but I eventually made it to the bottom. I looked around and realized I was in a large hall—with _other_ entrances to _other halls_. Oh joy. I sighed in exasperation and started down the hall to my right. I turned a corner and soon after, found myself blinking as I stared dumbly at the sight before me. I stood right in front of a very large, arched doorway. I took a few steps forward and stood under in that doorway and looked into a room—a _very_ large room at that.

Books.

All I see are _books_.

"_There's so many…"_ I whispered in awe, not only at the amount of books but also at the décor. Seriously the artwork of this mansion is effing beautiful. The walls were painted chestnut and various wooden bookcases were built into the walls—so I couldn't tell what was wood and what wasn't! The bookcase-wall things were designed and sculpted so detailed and were protruding in dimension. The ceiling was quite similar—if not the same—and took on the pattern of large dimensional octagons and small rhombuses; the room was dimly lit with the chandelier hanging from it and the small wall lamps that were designed similar to the chandelier. There were three large windows; one on the left side of the room, one directly across the room in front of me, and one of the right side. All of them were framed beautifully and were decorated with long, dark burnt orange colored drapes that were tied with brown tassels. In the center of the room there was a large antique carpet spread out and on top of it was a long, dark grey chesterfield sofa facing towards my direction, with matching colored pillows, one leaning against each arm. On either side of the sofa was a matching colored chesterfield chair, angled in the direction of it slightly but mostly facing each other. In the center of it was a fairly long, polished dark wooden coffee table with a cabinet made in it.

I stepped forward into the room, looking all about and at the many, many books on the shelves and cases. Most likely this is a library; but I gotta say, I didn't expect it. I mean I guess I should have, but it never crossed my mind. It was pretty small compared to a normal library but was still big. I walked over to my right and read one of the categories that were labeled;

_**ANGST**_

I raised an eyebrow; what were 'Angst' books? I let my eyes travel over the spines of the numerous books and a few caught my attention. I reached on a lower shelf and grabbed a small, hand held book. It was hardcover and a light grey color; it was fairly thick for its size.

The front cover was a headshot picture of young looking woman with long blonde hair hanging over her shoulder, turned sideways and bent forward slightly, as if she were looking down. Across the top in large capital light blue letters was the word, '_purge'_. I stared at it in slight confusion before flipping it over in my hand and reading the summary on the back;

_**Janie Ryman hates throwing up. So why does she binge eat and then stick her fingers down her throat several times a day? That's what the doctors and psychiatrists at Golden Slopes hope to help her discover. But first Janie must survive everyday conflicts between the Barfers and the Starvers, attempts by the head psychiatrist to fish painful memories out of her emotional waters, and shifting friendships and alliances among the kids in the ward.**_

I blinked as I slowly digested the info I just read.

What…the actual _fuck_? That's all I have to say, and I'm not one to use the 'f' word often. I mean just—_why?_ Why would she do something like that? She eats a lot apparently, but…why not just try and lose the weight—

I felt like an idiot right then and there.

_/She __**was**__ trying to lose the weight!.../ _My thoughts declared,_ /She…she threw up whatever she ate so she couldn't gain the weight…she made herself throw up…/_

I gasped as I realized that and I heard a dull thudding sound and I realize that I had dropped the book. I looked down and saw that my hands were trembling; _badly_. Much like the rest of me. I tried swallowed the lump in my throat as I felt my pulse speed up.

_I heard soft gagging sounds wafting the door as I walked past the bathroom. I stopped and listened carefully; worry filling me as I heard the retching continue soon followed by muffled coughing. I walked up to the door and knocked and I noticed that the coughing stopped after I did._

"_Occupied." _

_Her voice was hoarse and quiet but held a firm tone and I became even more worried. I laid my hands on the door, reaching up to twist the knob and finding it stay in place. It was locked, "Mama?"_

_Silence._

"_Mama?" I tried again, my voice barely holding its quiver. "Mama, are you okay?" _

"_I'm fine Katsuya." She assured, and I frowned, "But mama, you sounded sick…" I explained as I tried the knob again, "…are you okay?"_

_Silence._

_A prickling sensation filled my eyes as I received no answer. "Mama, please open the door…" I whined slightly, fear in my words. "Mama..." I heard some shuffling and the sound of the toilet flushing before the sound of the faucet running. I waited and waited until finally the door opened and she stood before me; dressed in a large dark blue t-shirt and pair of grey sweatpants. She looked down at me and I noticed that her skin was slightly paler than normal and she looked tired. She squatted down in front of me. Her curly dark brown hair was pulled into a messy bun, mocha colored locks framing her face. I looked into her eyes they were like the color of earth—green hinted with specks of brown and filled with sadness and guilt. _

_She held out her arms and I rushed forwards and hugged her as she wrapped her arms around my small frame. I couldn't help the tears that fell and stained her shirt and I trembled._

"_You wouldn't answer…" I sniffed, "…the door was locked and you wouldn't answer me…"_

_One of her hands rubbed my back soothingly, her face buried in my neck as the other one held my held. "I'm sorry, Katsuya…" She apologized. "I wasn't feeling well…"_

_I shut my eyes, "You're always throwing up…why are you always sick?..." Nimble fingers stroked through my hair softly, but otherwise I received silence. I fisted her shirt, "Mama?..." I questioned fearfully, why was she always sick? Was she dying?_

"_I'm fine Katsuya, I'm just sick from eating…" _

I gasped softly, blinking rapidly as I tried to gather the much wanted air. Oh god—oh _god_. The _memories_…

I entangled a hand in my hair, fingers curling in my bangs, as I tried to ground myself. I could feel the sweat that gathered on my face and neck, and I was feeling faint. I looked down at the book on the floor and I felt the heavy feeling of discomfort in my chest; pain and guilt constricting around my heart. I knelt down and picked up the book; placing it back in its rightful spot in the line of books.

I backed away from the bookcase and walked over to the couch and sat down, slumping into it in exhaustion. I shut my eyes as I leaned my head back on the chair. I haven't experienced something like that in a while…

"_I'm fine Katsuya, I'm just sick from eating…" _

I flinched slightly, opening my eyes at hearing my mother's confession, in her soft hoarse voice. /_I hate this…_/

I shifted and moved, bringing my legs up and laying down on my back with my arms on my stomach as I stared at the ceiling above. /_Too__** exposed**__…/ _I thought and shuddered as a tremble ran through my spine. /_Too__** vulnerable**__…/_

I rolled onto my side and pulled the hood of the sweatshirt up over my head, the hood falling over my face a little, and folded my arms beneath my head to create a makeshift pillow. I brought my legs together and curled up a bit and closed my eyes once again. /_Much better_… _I feel __**better**__…/ _My thoughts chanted._ /I feel __**secure**__…/_

.*.*.

_Pain radiated from where my nails were buried in my scalp as I desperately tried to block out the voices that boomed throughout the house from downstairs. I was in the corner of my room, sitting with my legs up and my arms on both sides and my face tucked into my knees. My arms were partially wrapped around my head and my shoulders were hunched as I covered my ears. __**Please stop, please stop, please stop….!**__ I begged in my thoughts; unable to voice these words as sobs emitted from my ragged breathing. My knees and thighs were soaked from my tears on them and I couldn't stop shaking. The screams continued and the faint sound of breaking glass reached my ears. "Please stop…" I whispered weakly, why do they keep fighting? _

_Why do mama and papa get so mad at each other?_

_I didn't know what to do anymore. I was scared of going down there—scared of even leaving this room._

"_**Dammit woman, what the hell has gotten into you!?**__"_

"_**ME!? How dare you pin this on me!?**__"_

"_**At least I'm not acting like some psychotic bitch!**__"_

"_**Like you're fucking innocent!**__"_

_They've been like this for a really long while and the more that they keeping yelling at each other, the nastier they become. But why? What started this? I'm home alone with them and I just don't know what to do! Thank god, Shizuka is at our cousin's house. I don't want her hearing this…this is…this is crazy! Why did this happen? I gripped at my hair. __**STOP! PLEASE STOP!**_

"_**STOP!**__" __I screamed, my throat burning with the strain. I didn't like this. I don't like when they fight! I don't like when they yell at each other! I don't halt the scream and cries that leave my throat even as I cough, even as I hear the sound of thundering footsteps coming up the stairs and running down the hall. The bang of my bedroom doorknob hitting the wall is what makes me let out another scream before quieting down to loud sobs._

"_**KATSUYA!**__" _

_That was the simultaneous shout I heard in the background. Everything hurts. My throat, my head, my chest…it's hard to breathe—why is it hard to breath? I feel warmth suddenly around me and I leaned into this warm place, confused and scared. Why did my chest hurt so much? Why did it hurt to breathe? Why was it so __**hard**__ to breathe? I coughed again and I could feel something trying to pry my arms away, I curled up tighter in fear. I heard voices, frantic and worried voices. They sounded scared…what's happening? My head hurts so much and I feel so sick…_

"_Katsuya baby, open your eyes…!"_

"_You need to calm down…!"_

_But I couldn't! Everything hurts! I don't know what to do! What do I do?! What do I_—

I coughed harshly as I shot upright, eyes snapping open. I felt bile rise up my throat and I quickly covered my mouth with my hand as I fought to keep it at bay. Sweat ran down the sides of my face and I could feel my body shuddering like crazy. My heartbeat was drumming in my chest, beating so loudly that I swear I could hear it in my ears. I coughed again after I swallowed whatever threatened to come up; its acidy taste burnt my throat.

"Jounouchi?..."

I whipped my head to the side as I blinked rapidly, the sight of a tanned face and dark hair coming into my line of vision.

"M-Mokuba…!" I gasped weakly, shit my head was effing killing me. I really need those pills…

"Wha…what are you doing here?" I asked quietly, my voice coated with a light layer of defensiveness. He blinked in surprise; his storm grey eyes were wide as he stared at me. I shifted slightly under his gaze, I was damn uncomfortable.

"_What?_" I snapped crossly and he jumped slightly, blinking once more. "I um…" He started, "…are you okay?"

It was my turn to blink in surprise, but I nodded nonetheless, making me wince as my temple pulsed painfully. Mokuba frowned, "You look like you're in pain." He sat down on the couch next to me, "What's wrong?" I shook my head, "It's nothing, just a headache."

_/An evil, blood pumping, heading splitting headache!/_

I ignored that thought as I leaned my head on the couch, "Oh." "Now I ask again; what are you doing here?" I repeated tiredly. "I came in here looking for Nii-sama, and saw you on the couch tossing and turning." He explained, "I came closer and realized it was you—you were breathing really thickly and heavily and mumbling some things under your breath."

I felt a scowl tug at my features and looked down at my hands that rest in my lap as I sat cross-legged. "Jounouchi?" Mokuba questioned when I didn't respond.

"It was nothing okay? It was just a—…" I faltered, my breath nearly leaving me as I almost said the word, '_nightmare'_. I blinked and a feeling of defeat came over me, _"…a nightmare…it was a nightmare_…" I murmured softly, my voice barely above a whisper; I…I've never told anybody about these nightmares before, for the past few months they've been my little secret. So to actually sit here and tell someone that I had one is…a little refreshing.

"A nightmare?" He repeated, "About what?" I stayed silent as I remembered what happened in the nightmare, in the memory that I had relieved.

"I don't want to talk about it." I muttered and Mokuba gave a small hum. "That's alright. I just thought I could help." I gave a grunt in response, not looking up at the young teen. This kid's definitely changed over the last few years; he's grown taller standing at my collar bone and he was now like fifteen or something. He's a lot like his brother—being sarcastic and cunning and throwing a few smart remarks here and there, but also still caring and kind to others. His features were less childlike and more mature, expressing his early teen age; his eyes were sharper but nowhere near as much as Kaiba's. His hair was still pretty long and reaches his mid-back.

"Another question; what exactly are you doing here?"

I snorted, "Your brother brought me here." "Seriously? _Nii_-_sama_ brought _you_ here?" I gave an empty laugh, "Yeah I was surprised too kid."

"_Why?"_

"Apparently, he saw me pass out in the street and brought me here to get checked out."

"Why not a hospital?"

"That's exactly what _I_ asked—_shit_, like hell I'll ever be able to understand _your_ _brother_. But I was told that he had me checked out by someone while I was out cold." I could help the shudder that ran through me at the thought of someone touching me without my permission—and while I was _unconscious_ too.

Mokuba gave another hum. "So he brought you here to the library?"

"Nah. I woke up in one of the rooms upstairs. I got bored and wanted to do a little exploring, while also hoping to find Kaiba for an explanation." I explained and finally looked up at Mokuba. "What are _you_ doing in here?" I asked, "You said you were looking for your brother or something?" He nodded, "Yeah, I just came home a while ago and was looking for him." He gained a thoughtful look, "Are you going to be staying here for the night or something?" I shook my head. "I can't stay here, I've gotta get home. By the way, what time is it?" "It's like after eight thirty or something—"

"_What!?"_

He jumped at my outburst looking at me questioningly; I scrambled off the couch and headed for the doorway.

"Yo, Jounouchi! Wait a sec—"

I turned around, "Mokuba, I already told you; I need to get home. It's late and I don't like traveling at night." I turned back and left the room, although not long after I left was I grabbed by the shoulder and stopped. "_Hold up!"_ I threw Mokuba an irritated look. "_What?"_

"Let me help you get home." He spoke, "Since Nii-sama isn't exactly around and you don't really know your way around here, I don't want you to get lost. Plus I can have a limo drive you back home."

"I won't get lost!" I pouted; annoyed that he was probably right. He gave me a look and I growled, "_Fine._ But I have to get my stuff." He nodded and let go of my shoulder. "Follow me." He ordered and I obeyed.


	11. Chapter 10

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Salutations readers, it's Soul here and I've brought with me Chapter 10 of CONFUSION OF THE HEART! Whoo~! I'm not sure if it's any good cause I've been stressed lately and had trouble with this one. On another note, I want to thanks the reviewers from last chapter for their support because as I had mention last chapter, things weren't really going well for me. *Sigh* But I'm getting better, it takes time but all of your support and care makes it worth it. ****Also, I want to thank all my reviewers from those who have reviewed every chapter to those who have just joined the party. ****Luv you guys. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. Feel free to leave ideas or suggestions for the story if you want too. ****OC's used in this story belong to me and only me. ****Later everyone.**

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

****CHAPTER **10:**

Eventually, Mokuba and I found my room thanks to the help of a certain maid that we bumped into while she was doing her duties. You know, because I ain't had a damn clue where it was, so I couldn't tell Mokuba where it was. Right now I was gathering my stuff out of the drawer and laid them out atop of the bed.

_/Keys? Check. iPod? Check. Phone? Check. Wallet? Check. Bag of stuff? Check./_

I went over these things in my head as I waited for Karin and Mokuba to return with my clothes. I honestly just want to go home—I've had one hell of a long day and I just wanna effing go back into my bed. I'm frikken tired. To prove my point, I let out a yawn that threatened to rip my jaw in half. Covering my mouth with the back of my hand, I blinked as my eyes watered. I hate yawning. I sat down on the large bed and fell back against it, letting myself be comforted by its mixture of firmness and softness. I turned my half opened eyes to the side and my phone came into my line of vision; the screen was lit up.

I reached over and grabbed it, unlocking it before scrolling through my messages and seeing more missed calls and texts from the others and I let out a small sigh. I quickly replied to the most recent texts and deleted the rest and the missed calls. I came across Shizuka's messages and shot upright; shit if she knew I went out and all the crap that happened….

I quickly read through them and let out a groan of frustration. The most recent were mostly about her bitching about where I am. I shut my phone off and tossed it back on the bed and fell back against it.

_/Today just isn't my day…/_

I'm not sure when I fell asleep, or even closed my eyes for that matter, because I'm suddenly being shaken awake. I let out a quiet groan and open my eyes and was greeted with storm grey ones. I jumped, startled and let out a choked whine considering I momentarily forgot how to use words. Mokuba giggled and sat upright and I did the same. I noticed that he changed out of his school clothes, now dressed in a pair of black and white checkered shorts and a dark green short sleeve shirt. "We've got your clothes Jounouchi." He explained, "I'm going to go and call for a limo while you get dressed. Just leave these—" He pointed at the Kaiba's clothes that I'm wearing, "—on the bed, Karin will take care of them." I nodded and he stood from the bed and walked across the room to the door and left.

I looked around before spotting my clothes folded neatly on the end of the bed and I stood up, then began undressing. Off with the sweatshirt. Off with the shirt. And off with the damn pants. Now I'm dressed in my white tank and plaid yellow and black boxers, shivering my ass off. I looked through my clothes and grabbed my jeans, quickly pulling them on. I then grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head, and my nose was in heaven when I caught the scent that was emitting from it. I don't even know how to explain it, but whatever it was smelled so freaking good. I inhaled deeply—gosh, my stuff smells frikken _**awesome**_. I grabbed my sweater and sure enough, it smelled amazing too. Haha, okay time to stop being weird now. But I seriously never smelt a detergent or fabric softener or whatever the hell this is, that smelt this wonderful.

I pulled my sweater on and zipped it up, and from the corner of my eye I noticed a glass on the night table. I turned to look over at it fully and saw that it was a glass filled with water. I looked at it curiously, "Mokuba must have brought it…" I muttered and looked at the stuff on the bed, my attention going to the black bag. As the realization came that I could take a pain killer, I grabbed the bag and took out one of the boxes and opened it. I pulled out the bottle and scanned it, seeing that it basically said the same thing as the box. I opened the bottle and titled it so that two small white tablets fell into my palm.

I closed the bottle and put it back in the bag before grabbing the glass and downing both pills with the water. I sighed once I had finished drinking and set the glass back down before going back to my things. I grabbed my phone and keys and shoved them into my front pocket and doing the same with my iPod in the other one. Then I slid my wallet into my back pocket and hooked the chain, pulling my sweater over my pants. Finally I'm ready to go. A few minutes later I hear a knock at the door and shout at them to come in, once again being Mokuba.

"The limo's here." He said as he leaned against the doorframe. I nodded and walked over to him before we both exited the room. As we walked through the halls, a thought occurred to me. Or more of a reminder actually.

"Um, hey Mokuba? Could we stop by the library?"

He gave me a questioning look, "Did you forget something in there or something?" I shook my head, "No, I just was hoping to borrow a book that I was looking at earlier..." I explained and trailed off lightly, "…that's if, it's okay with you!…" I added when I realized how that sounded and he remained quiet, but after a few moments he spoke.

"Sure why not? Just bring it back when you're done."

"Okay thanks."

.*.*.

We finally made it to the library and I still marvel at the beauty even being in here a second time. I quickly stepped over to the 'Angst' section and scanned the shelves, my eyes quickly identifying and picking out the book I wanted; said book being '_Purge__'_. After doing so, I met back up with Mokuba who was standing patiently in the hall and together we walked through the various halls until we were descending down a large staircase and into the main entrance hall.

"You may want to pull that hood over your head; it started raining again." I gave a nod and pulled the hood up. He unlocked and opened the door. "I'm sorry I can't walk you to the limo, I'm not exactly dressed for this." I waved him off, "I'm fine Mokuba. You've done enough." I headed out the door and waved to him, "See ya around kid."

"Later Jounouchi."

He closed the door and I made my way down the path, the rain was coming down heavy and I clutched the book to my chest, trying not to get it wet. I felt like I was walking through an effing park instead of a yard. Halfway through there was a fountain! A _fountain! __Seriously_? But once I began to near the limo, I noticed there was someone standing in front of it with a large umbrella up. From a distance, I could only make out that they were dressed in all black and there was something long and white on their head.

I hurried my pace, trying not to slip and fall and I was successful until I got near the limo and I took a wrong step and slipped. I braced myself for the fall but I soon realized that; 1) I'm not on the wet ground and 2) I've stopped falling. I blinked and looked up and I'm greeted with a pair of golden colored irises. My own eyes widen and this person helps me upright again, while holding the umbrella over us. I looked at them and I see they are _male_. He was quite tall, maybe half a foot taller than me. He was dressed in a black coat that reached his knees and a pair of black pants and black shoes. But what grabbed my attention was the long silver braid that stopped below his back to where I couldn't fully see; his bangs were parted in the middle and reached just below his chin, framing his face which was young and...erm, handsome. His skin was pale and fair, giving his sharp golden eyes a luminous effect.

"I-I um…" I stuttered as I felt my face warm lightly. Feeling a bit flustered, I straightened myself; I switched my gaze to the ground. "…thanks for uh, catching me sir…"

He gave a gentle hum, "Well yes." He spoke, his voice being a soft murmur. "I couldn't just let you fall now could I?"

I shuffled a bit, "Um, no…" I replied and I heard a loud click sound and looked up to see the limo door being held open. "T-Thanks…!" I thanked him and hurriedly slid inside and heard the limo door shut after me. I was momentarily in awe as I stared at the interior of the car. I slid in the seat next to the door opposite from the one I had entered, setting the book next to me, and I gazed out the window, staring at the dark grey sky through the droplets of rain trailing down the glass. I heard the roar of the engines come to life and I leaned back into seats, feeling the gentle vibrations relax my body and the gentle hum of the vehicle lull me into a light sleep.

.*.*.

I woke with a start at feeling the hand gentle shaking me, still not used to having someone waking me. I looked around before I was met with gold, instantly reminding me of the day's events and all that had happened. I internally groaned at the thought and notice that the door is held open. I hurriedly scoot out the limo and out into the rain—well out under the _umbrella_ that was held up in the rain—my legs feeling like jelly and making me stumble. Once again I'm caught and I feel the heat sneak up my neck when I look into those golden orbs. I'm sorry but…they're just so damn…_captivating_. He lets a small smile settle on his features as he set me upright again.

"We have arrived at our destination sir." He explained and I took in our surroundings, realizing quickly that we in front of my apartment building. I turned back to him, giving a small smile. "Um, thanks for the ride. And uh, please tell Mokuba and Kaiba I really appreciate their help for today." He nodded, "I will." He then pulled out a familiar book from his coat and I let out a gasp. "I believe you were about to forget this…?" He trailed off handing it to me. I held it to my chest, trying not to get them wet again.

"Thank you, I-I would have forgotten—" I rambled in embarrassment and he nodded, "It's quite alright. Now I must return to the manor. I wish you well." He gave a small bow and brought down his umbrella as he stepped into the limo, before closing the door. I didn't move as I watched the limo started up. I didn't move even as it drove off and disappear into the darkness of the night. I only moved when I realized that I was fucking cold.

So I quickly turned around and headed down the pathway to the apartment building. I got out my keys, unlocking the main doors and sighed as I was bathed in the building's warmth. It wasn't much but it was enough for me. I made a turn to my right and climbed up the few stairs before turning and going down a hall. I normally take the stairs but I'm just not feeling it right now so I'm taking my ass onto that effing elevator.

After I got off of it, I made a right and headed straight down the hall and stopped at the apartment door at the end. I got out my keys again and opened the door and let out large exhale of air, never feeling more damn glad to be home than I did at that moment right there.

After locking the door and taking off my boots, I strode down the hall—I'm beginning to hate that word—and peeked into Shizuka's room, finding her fast asleep. I sighed softly, feeling guilty and silently hoped that I hadn't made her worry too much. I left the door cracked open a bit and continued down the hall to, first the bathroom, and then finally I entered my bedroom. I placed the book atop of my dresser and slowly peeled my damp clothing off my body, laying them out on the radiator. Only dressed in boxers and a tee, I crawl into my bed feeling exhausted from today's events and quickly fell asleep, into the awaiting hands of darkness.


	12. Chapter 11

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Hey everyone! It's Soul here and I brought with me Chapter 11 of CONFUSION OF THE HEART; I've been gone for a while and have had ****_so_**** many distractions which is why this update is kind of late. It's a pretty intense chapter but hey, this IS an Angst story. Anyway, as always I want to thank my readers; reviewers, followers as well as favs. I love you guys and I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I actually had a chapter that was similar to this posted already but because of it's content, it's gave me writer's block. So I'm re-uploading an edited version. Hope you like. Later.**

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

**CHAPTER 11:**

Do you ever wake up and feel like you don't ever want to come out from under your covers and just wanna curl up and die or something? No? Yes? Oh…well you may wonder why I'm asking this—and I'll tell you why;

It's because I effing feel like that right now.

A silent sigh passed through my lips as I stared at the wall across from me. I woke up from another nightmare earlier and threw up because I felt so sick. But it was nothing like yesterday, with the fever and shit—I just…I just felt like how I did back when I woke up in the library. I was in panic for a while too, it was so weird; it felt like I was still in the nightmare. Which has never happened before. Although I'm not sure how long it lasted, after it did end that was when I rushed to the bathroom before coming back into my room and burying myself in my bed. Right now I was laying on my side with my body curled and my knees drawn close to me. I had the blankets wrapped around me firmly, leaving an opening for my face as I stared blankly at wall. But I wasn't actually _seeing_ it ya know? I was kind of lost in my own little world and yet I wasn't thinking about anything. It's strange, but it's hard to explain. Ugh, why do I even bother?

I felt a small frown tug at my lips and my chest felt heavy; I still felt nauseous and sick. Shit, I just want to sleep and not wake up—I can't freaking take much more of this! I hate it! I hate it so much! I HATE IT!

My grip tightens on the blankets and I grit my teeth together as tears quickly gathered in my eyes. _**Fuck**_. I hate crying, I swear to all the gods up there that I freaking hate crying. /_I refuse to let them fall. Crying does no damn good!/_ I could feel my shoulders shaking from the effort of trying to keep the tears at bay and my breathing was slowly becoming ragged. I shut my eyes and curled up tighter wanting nothing more than for the tears to go away; for these damn feelings to go away. I-I…I just-!

"_Boy how many times do I have to tell you to stop all that damn crying? Tears are just a weakness! Be a man and quit sniveling like a little girl! Are you ever gonna learn to listen?"_

That's it. I can't hold these tears back any longer and they fall against my wishes—I buried my mouth into my blanket to muffle the loud sob that escaped me that was quickly followed by many more. The volume of them continuously rising as they got harder to keep inside. Even with my eyes closed, all I'm seeing is memory after memory.

_/Why couldn't I just listen? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why couldn't I just effing listen to him_?/ I let out a frustrated scream into the blanket as I feel myself shaking horribly; my thoughts are spiraling out of control right now and it's so hard to keep up with them. _/Gosh, why can't I just stop crying? WHY? I don't want to cry! I don't need to cry!/ _

I'm actually sobbing and crying right now. I-I-I just _**can't**_…! I cant'! I feel so damn angry! So damn pissed at myself! God _what is wrong with me_?! I can't do this anymore! I can't…! Oh god, I feel sick…I feel so sick…

My stomach's doing backflips and my body's covered in sweat, not to mention that I can't stop shaking; why can't I stop shaking? God, it feels like a sauna in here! So hot, so stuffy…!

I unraveled myself from the blankets and sat up in bed against the headboard, my knees were drawn to my chest and I was hunched over with my fingers entangled in my hair and eyes screwed shut. Everything was so hot…so cramped…

"_Katsuya!_"

There's a ringing in my ear drums…so loud…everything was so loud…ugh it hurts, why does everything hurt? So many questions but I couldn't name them all as I felt my heartbeat thudding in my ears rapidly. Jeezus, why was it beating so fast? I coughed harshly as it was getting harder to breath. I just couldn't get enough air in, but why? What's happening? What's going on!?

"_No! Don't go! Please! __**MAMA! SHIZUKA! NO! MAMA!**__"_

I screamed into my knees and pulled at my hair. My throat felt sore and scratchy and my screams quieted to loud hoarse sobs. Exhaustion suddenly overtook me and I fell onto my side, breathing heavily; my chest rising and falling rapidly as I continued to tremble._ /I…I feel so tired now…my chest hurts and I…I just want to go back to sleep…/ _Slowly, but surely, the memories began to fade away. I opened my eyes as my vision slowly began to clear up. The image of a familiar bedroom filled my field of vision as it focused. My eyes were wide as I sucked in the much needed air that I was deprived of. I was still curled up and my body still trembled violently as I went over the recent events in my head and I felt _afraid_.

_/What…what was that?.../_

I felt like I was losing my mind for a moment there. It was terrifying—I really felt like I going insane. I buried my face into my hands, groaning pitifully. _What in the __**hell**__ is wrong with me? _Just what the hell was that!?

I was startled out of my troubled thoughts as a melodic beep echoed throughout my room. I lifted my head and looked over sleepily to my nightstand and saw the lit screen of my phone. I propped myself on one elbow as I reached over and grabbed it, before unlocking and scrolling through my messages. I got two new texts, both from Honda.

_**Yo, Jounouchi? You awake yet? **_

I looked at the time,

**9:10 AM**

I sighed and looked at the other text;

_**Jounouchi, can you meet me and Ryou at the new mall on 224**__**th**__** street later?**_

I mentally cringed—I didn't want to go out. Hell, I didn't want to get out of this _bed_. But…at the same time I didn't want to stay here; I wanted to just go out and forget all that's happened this morning. I rolled onto my back groaning audibly; this is stressing as hell. With shaky fingers, I quickly type a reply;

_Maybe._

I held my phone weakly in one hand on my chest, feeling the rise and fall of my chest. Moments later I hear the gentle beep, signaling that I have a new message;

_**Maybe? **_

_Yeah, not feeling to well right now._

_**It's cool. See u.**_

I reply;_ See u._

I sighed and tossed my phone onto my messy bed and stood. But suddenly everything in the room tilted and my vision faded in and out. I quickly grabbed the bedpost as I tried to ground myself. But as soon as it started, it suddenly ended. It only lasted a few seconds. I blinked as I wondered what the hell just happened and let go of the headboard. I felt my anxiety rise as the nausea in my stomach returned; maybe I shouldn't go outside after all—I don't want to faint again. That would be, not only embarrassing but just plain horrible. Maybe I should just text Honda back saying I can'—

I shook my head; what the hell am I thinking? I sound like some little weak punk! I growled, feeling more than irritated. If I told Honda that I'm gonna be there then hell, I am going to be there! I rubbed my face in my hands, feeling exasperated; I need to go outside. I need a walk or something. I nodded to myself and made my way to my bedroom door before exiting and going down the hall.

.*.*.

I exhaled softly as I opened the bathroom door and the cool air of the hallway met my damp flushed skin. I didn't bring any change of clothes with me but then again I hadn't planned on taking a shower yet anyway. So right now, I was just dressed in nothing but a towel that was wrapped around my waist. I walked down the hall towards my bedroom and was about to enter when I was suddenly stopped.

"_**Katsuya!**"_

That was her surprised, and rather loud, exclamation that was soon followed by the hand grabbing my shoulder. My left temple pulsated harshly and the pain was so sudden and intense that a small cry left my mouth, through gritted teeth as my hand flew up to touch the offending spot. Oh. My. God—that fucking _**hurts**_!

_"Daijoubu Onii-chan!?"_

I want to tell her but all that comes out is a soft, pained growl. I closed my eyes as I gently massaged my temple, _"What the hell was that?" _Was the first thing that left my lips once I was able to speak again—but soon an anxious voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Katsuya?"

I turned to my side and was faced with the earthy colored orbs of my little sister. Eyes that were wide with fear and worry. "Are you okay? I…I didn't hurt you or anything did I? If I did then I'm so sorry! Gomenasai Onii-chan!" I quickly raised a hand to silence her, "I'm fine Shizuka, _you_ didn't hurt me." I explained, "It's just…I just suddenly got this painful pulsation in my temple—" I touched my still sore temple again tenderly. "—it was so sudden and painful and I just couldn't help but scream."

She looked even more worried and this time she raised her own hand and reached up to touch my temple as I took my hand away. Her thin fingers were gentle against it. "Here you say?" I gave a small nod. "Did you get hit in the head or something?" I shook my head as she took her hand away, "Not that I can remember."

She frowned and I bit the inside of my cheek; "But it could just be another headache…" I muttered softly and she gained a confused look, "Another headache?" She repeated, "What do you mean _another_ one? How long have you been getting them?" I sighed and scrubbed my face in my hands all the while realizing that she knew nothing about them. "A few months now…"

"A few _**months**_!?"

I flinched slightly, "Yes _months_ Shizuka, I got headaches every other day but recently they've become more frequent. Although this one could probably be the aftermath of yesterday…"

"Oh!" She cut in suddenly, "Speaking of yesterday—_where the hell were you!?_"

I walked right into that one didn't I? I exhaled gruffly and scratched my head. "Look sis, how about we talk this later?" I offer, but she shook her head, "No! Why can't we speak of this right now?"

"Because as much as I just _love_ talking to you, I'd rather not do it while wearing only a towel." I deadpanned and she paused, before nodding and turning around.

"After you get dressed I'm expecting to see you in the kitchen Katsuya!" She called sternly as she walked away and I gave a grunt in reply before finally entering my bedroom. After shutting and locking the door, I leaned against it. Was it really worth it to get out of bed today? I paused and thought about that, "Perhaps so." I murmured and pushed myself off the door and walked over to my dresser. I pulled open a couple drawers and grabbed a black tank and a pair of dark blue boxers out of them. I tossed the towel onto the bed and slipped my underwear on then my shirt. After doing that, I dried my hair then strolled over to my dresser again and opened it. I searched through it for something to wear and pulled out a pair of faded grey skinny jeans and a black T-shirt. I folded them over my arm and reached into my top drawer and grabbed my dog tag chain and a pair of blue wristbands and shut the drawer.

As I got dressed my thoughts were nothing short of a mess; what was I going to tell Shizuka? I'm not worried, if that's what you're thinking but I just…how do I explain that I went out in the rain knowing I was already sick and fainted without having her stress out about it? And that Kaiba—of _all_ people—had just so happen to be passing by and saw me faint then took me into his home and helped me get better? _/Yeah, like that's not gonna make me sound crazy./_

I sighed in aggravation as I pulled my shirt over my head and brushed out any wrinkles. I feel like my clothes are a bit looser than I remember them being but then again, that could just be me. I put my dog tag on and I slipped on my wristbands and grabbed a dark blue beanie and slipped it on before deeming myself decent enough. I went over to my nightstand and grabbed my keys, phone, and wallet and shoved them into my pockets. I spotted the bottles of pills on the corner of it and I contemplated on taking them with me. Finally, moment after of deciding, I opened the bottle of painkillers and swallowed two and closed the bottle before heading to the door and exiting my room.

I walked slowly down the hallway, which seemed much shorter than I remember and I soon found myself at the kitchen door. I exhaled softly before stepping inside and was met with the sight of Shizuka pacing around the room. "Yo." I called and she stopped and faced me, I leaned against the door frame as she stared me up and down in confusion.

"Are you going somewhere?" She inquired and I gave a nod. She looked like she was about to go off but then stopped herself took a few deep breathes. "Onii-chan," She started, "what time did you come home last night?" I remained silent as I thought about that for a moment; "I think maybe…um after ten-thirty…yeah like ten-thirty."

She looked aghast, _"What is heck were doing that made you come home so late?"_ I detected a bit of anger but mostly confusion and curiosity. "Well let me start from the beginning; I woke up hours after you left and I was feeling mostly better. But I realized we didn't have medicine so I took a shower, got dressed and went out to get some." I explained carefully, "But I felt sick again after I bought the medicine and it also started raining. I went to a…_friend's_ house to um, wait the storm out. But I ended up falling asleep there and when I woke up, it was pretty late and he drove me home." What? Technically it's not a lie—just not the whole truth.

She stared at me skeptically, "And who was this friend? I called Honda and the others, asking if you were with them but you weren't. So who is this friend?" I quickly rattled my brain for an answer; "Um…it was uh—" Come brain, think! "—it was, it was Akio!" Wait, what?

"What?" She asked, "Who's that?" "He's a friend from my job." I quickly explained, "What, have I never mentioned him to you?" She looked thoughtful, "Maybe, but I'm not sure." I scratched my head anxiously, "So yeah, um hey I gotta go sis."

"Huh? Where?"

"I'm gonna go for a walk." I explained and turned around and walked down the hall; I heard the light footsteps of Shizuka following me. As I reached the door, I began putting on my shoes. "Is there something else you need?" I asked, but she remained quiet. I finished lacing up my boots. "You know the rules Shizuka." "Yes Onii-chan." I walked towards the door and grabbed the lock, ready to unlock it.

"_Be careful…"_

I paused my hand once I heard the soft murmur. I looked over my shoulder and frowned. Being dressed in white sweatpants and a large blue t-shirt made Shizuka look smaller and younger than she actually was as she stood in her spot from where I was tying my shoes; her face betrayed no emotions but her eyes said it all. She was scared. I let go of the door and walked towards her and she closed the gap as she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. I held her just as tightly as I felt her shaking, I stroked her hair gently to try and calm her.

"I'll be fine…" I spoke softly, "…I'm feeling better and if I feel anything were to happen I'll come straight home." She let out a quiet whimper into my chest as she tightened her arms around me even more; I did the same. "I'll be alright Shizuka, I'll be alright." Now I felt really bad about not telling her the whole truth but at the same time I'm kind of relieved that I didn't. I stroked my fingers through her hair continuously.

"Please be careful Katsuya." She spoke shakily, muffled slightly by my chest. "I was so worried yesterday."

"I'll be okay. Everything will be fine." I gave her one last reassuring squeeze before I felt her let go. I looked at her face and reached up to wipe the few tears that trailed down her cheeks and leaned down a bit and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be fine. Okay?" She nodded, "Okay." After giving her one last comforting hug, I headed out the door and was down the hall of the apartment.


	13. Chapter 12

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Hey everyone! It's Soul here and I'm back! I didn't forget this story or my wondrous reviewers! And as an, 'I'm-sorry'-gift; I brought with me CHAPTER 12 of CONFUSION OF THE HEART. I also had done some editing to the story itself, rewriting some chapters here and there. Also made the story take place in early Fall instead of late Spring. Just please at least try to tell me what's good and what you guys think_—_or even leave suggestions and what you think can happen. Also, welcome to new reviewers. *waves/hugs* I've stated this on various occasions; I'm open to suggestion or even flames_—_if the characters are too OOC then tell me. ****I like to see what I can do to make this story better. *sigh*Anyway, like the last, this chapter is also pretty Angst filled and may trigger your tender emotions. *shrugs* If it does then I'm glad. If not then I'll try harder. Anyways, I hope you like. Later.**

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

**CHAPTER 12:**

You know when you exert yourself to the point that when you finally sit down and chill, your body just melts into jelly from relief? That is how I felt when I walked through that front door. I went straight into the living and collapsed onto the couch.

_/So tired…/_

I pulled my wristbands off feeling the sweat that gathered on my wrists; I gave them a quick rub before I also took off my dog tag and tossed them all into the armchair across from me before reclining back against the arm of the couch, melting into the cushions. Besides being tired, I've got a sore neck and a small tension headache.

The walk was kind of refreshing though, I just walked two Avenues from here and back. I also had a cup of coffee that I bought from a café on my way and now I am thoroughly exhausted. I didn't think; I didn't have to. My worries and anxiety began to disappear when I felt the cool breeze of Fall blow through the air, and because it was so late in the morning; there were barely any people outside.

But I'm tired now. As well as alone. I bit the inside of my lower lip nervously because when I'm alone…my thoughts become my enemy. I closed my eyes as I inhaled deeply through my nose before exhaling slowly. _A distraction…._ My thoughts whispered, and I stiffened as my eyes snapped open.

_/A distracting…you went out to distract yourself…you're running away…/_

I rolled onto my side, curling up a bit, and stared at the carpet. /_I'm not running away./_ I argued back weakly; /_Why do you run? Why can't you face things like a man? Why do you always cry?/_

_/Urusai! I don't cry!/_

_/LIES. You cry every time you wake up./_

I shut my eyes as I tried to sort out my thoughts; /_It's not like I want to wake up in tears everyday damn it! I can't help it if—/_

_/What? Can't help that you're still just the scared little bitch that __**he**__ reduced you to?/_

I bolted upright into sitting position as my eyes snapped open, wide and shocked. Flashes of this morning's nightmare flew through my mind as my fingers curled into the edge of the couch; nails digging into the cushions and trying to tame the small trembles that ran through me.

_/I…I didn't…he…no…/_ I tried so hard to form a coherent thought but was unsuccessful as I got another vivid flash. A shaky gasp escaped me as they continued to come—I was shaking like crazy now, I could feel it as my grip repeatedly loosened on the couch. My back was hunched and my head was bowed as I stared at the carpet. /_Damn it…_/ I cursed as I felt my senses become hazy; a heavy banging filtered through to my ears and the vision of the floor soon began to morph into something else. Ragged breathes escaped me as I saw…as I saw _**it**_…!

Panic settled inside of me as I watched the nightmare—the memory, replay itself from this morning, from all those years ago.

_/No…/_ I begged weakly, /_I don't want this…please…go away!...No! Please stop! NO!_/

"_Stop_ _it! Stop it please!_" Was the distant scream I heard. Was that me? "_No! I'm sorry! PLEASE!"_

_/Please…stop…/_

"Hey! Inu! Are you listening!?"

_/No…I'm sorry…/_

"Jounouchi!"

_/Please…I don't want this…/_

"_Jounouchi!"_

_/I'll be good…I promise…/_

"_**Jounouchi!**_"

A coughed tore through my throat that was soon followed many more. A small crash reached my ears and I realized that it was me falling on the floor. Propped on my hands and knees, I raised a shaking hand to cup my throat as I wheezed; trying to get the much needed air back into my lungs. Damn it, why was it so hard to breathe?

"Jounouchi." A deep voiced called in a firm, calm manner. My eyes darted around before being met with azure colored ones. I shot back in surprise and fear; landing on my rear and my back was met with something firm, blocking me from moving any further.

"Jounouchi." The voice repeated but I didn't take my eyes off of those piercing blue ones, "Jounouchi, can you hear me?" I tried to clear most of my fuzzy thoughts as I pinned those eyes and that voice with a face and spoke a tentative voice, hoarse and shaky.

"_K…K-Kaiba..?_"

"Yes, it's me." I felt a small sense of familiarity creep into me, "Jounouchi, are you alright? How are you feeling right now?"

I tried to ground myself as I tried to think about his question but my head hurt too much to think straight, "_Scared…Terrified…Faint_…" I murmured, _"…my head hurts…and my chest hurts, it's hard to breathe…Kaiba help me—I can't breathe!"_ My tone took on desperation towards the end and I reached for my throat again, panting and panicked. My throat felt so tight…so tight…

"Jounouchi." He spoke firmly but calmly again, "Jounouchi, listen to me and just my voice; I'm going to need for you to calm down. Listen to me okay? It's alright." I felt something graze the hand I had on my neck before gripping it gently. "You can breathe…just try to breathe slowly…calm yourself…" I felt my hand be pulled away slowly, "It's alright. Squeeze my hand if you can feel me or even hear me." I felt a light pressure around my right hand and oddly enough, I found that gesture to be comforting so I fumbled through my mind to work my hand and returned a light squeeze as well. I tried to work on my breathing; wheezing lightly between quick gasps. "What…What's going on?" I choked, holding my head as I start to feel a bit light-headed, "…where are we? Where am I…Kaiba please…" I begged weakly as I stared into those azure orbs again. A gentle stroking on my hand help my fuddled mind calm a bit.

"We're at your apartment in Domino City, Japan. We are currently in what I suppose to be, your living room. Right now Jounouchi, I believe you are in the midst of a panic attack."

"Panic…attack…?" I repeated in a mutter as a feeling of fatigue washed over me. I could finally breathe a bit easier now, taking deeper breaths and my vision cleared a bit. I saw the brunette was knelt down in front of me, dressed in a black jacket and dark pants. My tired eyes traveled downward along his arm and widened slightly at seeing his larger hand grasping mine, his thumb gently rubbing over the back of my hand. My eyes traveled back up and were met with his once more.

"How are you feeling now, Jounouchi?"

I frowned slightly, "…_Tired_…" I croaked, my voice cracking slightly. "…_thirsty_…" I felt a scowl tug at my lips as I cupped my throat with my other hand and let out a small groan. "…_sick_…"

A soft, almost calculating, hum came from the brunette. "I suppose that's to be expected." He uttered quietly, breaking eye contact as he looked downwards slightly. Very, _very_ lightly—I applied pressure to his hand with my own and he looked back at me.

"…_scared_…" I admitted softly, he stared at me for a moment longer before shutting his eyes and concealing those blues from my sight as he let out a heavy exhale through his nose.

"I don't blame you." He muttered and looked back me. "Alright then, let's get you off the floor and onto the couch or something. Do you want some water?" I gave a soft grunt and he grabbed my other hand. "You have to stand up though, Jounouchi." I nodded and braced myself before pushing myself up to my feet as he pulled me up. Though once standing, my legs bucked and I stumbled slightly, only to be caught by Kaiba as he let go of my hands to grab onto my arms. The jerking motion this caused my head to pulsate painfully and I curled into the arms holding me as I held the sides of my head. I was pressed to something firm and warm and vaguely realized that I just buried myself in his chest.

"Jounouchi?" He muttered quietly, his voice had a strained edge to it but even at that volume, I winced in pain, "Are you okay? You're shaking—"

"_My head hurts Kaiba….so bad…_" I whispered, my voice muffle by his thick leather jacket. The cool fabric felt nice against my heated face. After a moment of silence, I heard Kaiba speak again, "Most likely a migraine. Sit on the couch." I didn't move but responded, my voice trembling and strained from stress, "_Where is it…?_" My answer was him guiding me to the maroon colored couch. I carefully sat down and leaned against the pillow as he turned and left the room.

.*.*.

I am honestly beyond the normal terms of embarrassment right now; I am to the point where I just want to crawl into a hole and die. Cliché, I know but I now know the true meaning of that statement. God, I'm like frikken _mortified._ While Kaiba was gone, I had been able to calm down and finally think more clearly now—even with the headache. But now that I was able to think more clearly, everything that's lead up now has finally caught up with me—

…

Fuck.

…

FUCK!

Did I seriously just have a-a… a freaking _panic attack!?_ And of all the people who witness it, it just had to be freaking Kaiba!? _Kaiba!_ It's like fate has it out for me or something! First it frikken made me remember that horrible—fucking disgusting, _degrading_—memory and then Kaiba was the one to pull me out of it. Shaky breaths escaped me as I felt myself tremble a bit. I'm like freaking out right now! I didn't want anyone to see me like that—hell, _I_ wouldn't even want to see it! That's—that's…!

"Hey, Inu, don't you go and have another panic attack on me now."

Breath hitching, I immediately tensed up and my head shot up from my hands and whipped around to face Kaiba with wide eyes. "K-Kaiba…!" I stuttered and blinked as a glass of water was shoved in my face. I stared at it for a moment.

"Take it."

I quickly obeyed the order and reached for it after hearing sharp tone used and took a sip, not looking up at the brunette towering over me. Silence ruled my living room but for me, it was a tense and awkward silence. I took small gulps considering my throat was starting to hurt. I stopped before I could finish it all and set the glass down on the coffee table before standing up, slightly wobbling—much to my embarrassment—but noticing Kaiba's sharp gaze on me.

"I'm good." I muttered, my face feeling unusually warm as I avoided looking at him. "Just let me get some pain killers."

I turned and walked in the direction of the hall that lead to my room, passing the CEO on the way and muttering, "Have a seat. You don't have to stand ya know…" I didn't hear a response and just headed straight to my room and closed the door, slowly, quietly, once inside.

I leaned against the door as I stood in the darkness of my room. Small trembles ran through my body as I brought a hand to my face, covering my eyes, and taking jagged breathes. This felt different from the panic attack and I knew this feeling all too well as much as I hated to admit it. I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth as I bit down on it once I felt the warm liquid slowly run down my cheeks in thin trails. They were coming fast and my shoulders shook at the effort of keeping myself silent. My breathing was hitching and I felt a scratching feeling claw at my throat. I doubled over, hugging my midsection as I erupted into a fit of coughing; I felt the water I just drank rise up my throat and quickly covered my mouth my hand as I straightened up. I jumped, startled by the knock that sounded through the door, specifically near the spot my head was leaning on.

"_Jounouchi?"_

Kaiba's voice was firm and kind of loud as he called my name, showing no hesitance but barely held any emotion.

"_Are you alright in there?"_

_/No…/_ My thoughts whimpered as the tears continued to fall. I didn't answer him vocally though. After a few moments of silence, another knock sounded but I still didn't answer.

"_Jounouchi? Do…Do you want me to…come in?_"

I sniffled as quietly as I could and pushed myself off the door and walked over to my dresser, spotting the white bottled labeled, _Rubizone_, in orange letters. I grabbed the bottle of painkillers. I could feel myself fall on auto-pilot as I twisted the cap open and poured two of those pills into my palm. But I didn't close the cap and I stared blankly at those two pills. /_What if…?_/ I tilted the bottle back into my palm as I nudged two more pills to come out and fall with the others in my hand. I continued to stare at them with the new additions included.

"_Jounouchi?_" A little more force used in his tone this time. Why is that?

_/I just want the pain to stop…/_

My thoughts were a mess right now and I had the bottle of pills squeezed in a death grip. "_I want it to stop…"_ I whispered shakily before raising the pills to my mouth and quickly swallowing them. I coughed again because of the pressure they put on my already sore throat and the fact I've never taken four at once before.

"_**Dammit **__**Jounouchi! Answer me!**__"_

I jumped at the loud startling, banging on my door, shaking me out of my thoughts and making me nearly drop the bottle.

"_Dammit, say something Katsuya! Answer me!"_

I quickly shook my head, hearing my father's frantic voice echo. I fumbled slightly with the bottle as I tried to screw the cap back onto it before I set it on the dresser. I quickly wiped my face, removing any traces of me crying and darted to the mirror. My hat was crooked and my face was a bit flushed but decent enough. I straightened out my hat and skidded over to my bedroom door before throwing it open.

"_What!?_" I snapped heatedly as I glared into those azure colored irises, which were...wide with surprise?

I exhaled soundly and let my body slump forward, bringing my hand to my face as I rubbed it tiredly. "Yes Kaiba?" I asked softly, tiredly, not a trace of the earlier irritation in my voice. I'm too damn tired to fight right now.

I looked up him in surprise. It was like a breath of relief or something. I was shocked to see that exact emotion displayed on his face. Well, sort of; his face looked a bit relaxed and calm and his eyes held none of its usual malice. I suddenly felt a bit guilty at remembering the thoughts I just had not too long ago and what I was tempted to do. I exhaled silently through my nose before pulling my door shut behind me thus putting me closer to the CEO.

"To the living room." I mumbled and walked past him, slowly, and listened as he walked behind me. Once we reached the living room, I plopped down on the couch and rubbed my face in my hands again. Kaiba sat in one of the armchairs; specifically the one nearest to me. Silence once again ruled and the tenseness of it felt suffocating. So I spoke up;

"Thanks." It was soft, it was quiet—my voice has been like that a lot lately. Not at all like the feistiness had I usually held. "For helping me…thank you."

"You're welcome." He spoke equally quiet, but his tone was slightly clipped. "It's a good thing I got here when I did. Who knows what you could have done—whether to yourself or to your apartment or both." I nodded, "I wasn't sure what was happening…" I trailed off before a thought came to my attention;

"Quick question—two actually—what are you even doing here and how the hell did you get inside?"

Kaiba looked at me and smirked slightly, he shifted and reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out—

"I believe this is yours?" I gasped as he held up my iPod. What. The. Hell.

"The hell? Where did you get that?" I demanded as he tossed it at me and just barely caught it.

"_You_ left it at my house yesterday baka." He scoffed. _Totally_ didn't sound weird hearing Kaiba say that. Nope. Not at all. "I was in the library this morning and found it lying on the floor by one of the bookcases. I figured it was yours but I _do_ wonder how it got there when I had you set up in a room far from it." I looked away, feeling kind of sheepish at the reminder of snooping around his house. I looked back to see him roll his eyes in, what would most likely be, annoyance.

"I couldn't call you, seeing as I don't know your number so I just decided to take it to you myself. I had Shiro drive me here and found your apartment number." His eyes suddenly took on a darker look as he looked down slightly, "I knocked and there was no answer…" He spoke, his voice lower than before, "…I thought no one was home but then I heard you screaming…"

My eyes widened; so I really was screaming…?

"I knocked again to gain your attention but then I actually heard _what_ you were screaming…" He shifted a bit in the chair, seeming a bit uncomfortable. "…I tried the doorknob and for some reason it was left unlocked." _Shit_. "So I walked in, closing the door behind me and locking it, following your yells until I got here." He gestured to the living room. "I find you nearly ripping your hair out with your head in your hands. I'd rather not go into detail but I will admit that I had a hard time trying to get you back to reality. It was after you suddenly 'shut down' after falling off the couch was I then finally able to get your attention."

I stared at him. _I_ did that? I honestly freaked out that bad? I groaned as I buried my face into my hand, "I'm really sorry that you had to see that." I apologized. If I thought I felt bad before, now I feel like ten times worse. My pride is beyond hurt right now; it's burned to a crisp and near-nonexistent.

"It's fine." Kaiba replied, keeping a controlled tone. "It wasn't your fault."

I couldn't help the snort that escaped me after he said that. "Yeah, okay." I muttered, sarcasm hanging on every word. His eyes narrowed at me, looking _almost_ disapprovingly. "I'm _serious_." "Hn." I grunted in reply as I reached for my glass of water. I manage to take smaller sips than before because how much my throat hurt at the moment

"I've been wondering about something you know." I spoke up, although the tone was more hushed than I intended it to be. Why the fuck do I keep doing that?

"And that would be…?"

"Why did you help me?" I spared him a momentary glance. "From yesterday." "I didn't do it for your benefit, Isono saw you collapse. Do you expect me to do nothing when someone passes out in the street in the middle of a storm?" "To be honest; yes."

"A little insulting, don't you think Inu?"

I glared at him to see him looking equally irritated, "Bastard, don't call me that. I am _not_ a dog."

"I beg to differ." Was his snide remark.

My jaw clenched angrily, "Oh shut the hell up. Why are you even still here? Why the hell did you bother to help me again now anyway?" I growled moodily between gritted teeth.

"I'm not sure either. It seemed awfully human of me to do so, now that I think about it. I don't want you to get the wrong idea and think that I care about you. Because let me inform you right now; I don't give a damn about you in any shape or form. Thank you for reminding to never do something like that again so that I don't waste my time again."

I looked away from him, not hurt by his words, but surely offended. They did sting a little. Okay, maybe a lot. "Why do you have to be a jerk all the time?" I muttered quietly, at this point, not giving a fuck if he heard me or not.

"Did I hurt the baka's feelings by any chance?" Came his bored tone. I lowered my eyes, "Don't call me that." I whispered shakily; damn. Why does he have to be such an ass? Well this was my fault to begin with. He was being as civil as he could with me after all and then I just had to go and throw everything in reverse. Why do I always go and mess everything up? He's right…_they _were right… _Idiot. Baka…stupid…stupid...baka…_

"Inu—"

Not only was he interrupted but I was also thrown out of my haunting thoughts by the firm, loud knocking that emitted from through my front door. I immediately shot up, after setting my glass down on the floor, and walked over to the door. I leaned close to the door. "Who is it?" I called through. I don't bother using the peephole.

"_Tsukishima Shiro._"

I stared at the door in confusion. Tsukishima Shiro? "Wha?..."

I froze when a hand reached in front of me to grasp the locks. Kaiba didn't say anything as he unlocked them and pulled my door open. My eyes widened once they were met with familiar golden ones. /_You're…!/_ He didn't look much different from yesterday and was dressed in the same coat and color scheme; black. I stepped back a bit and ended up with my back colliding with Kaiba's chest. I stepped forward in surprise, jumping a bit. "S-sorry." I muttered, feeling rather uncomfortable standing in between two guys at _least_ a foot taller than me.

Kaiba decided to move out the way and I gratefully move farther into the apartment. I couldn't help but stare back at Shiro, "You're the driver from yesterday…" I mumbled in recognition, causing Kaiba to raise a thin, dark eyebrow. "I told you before that he drove me here, had I not? He already memorized your address which was the only way for me to get here."

I felt my face flush, "T-The hell do you need to memorize my f-frikken address for?!" I stammered, "It wasn't of choice _baka_." Kaiba scoffed, not even bothering with eye contact anymore. "Shiro has eidetic memory. So he can't help it."

"'Eidetic memory'?" I questioned, "In simple terms; 'photographic memory'."

"Seriously? _Sugoi ne_!" I spoke, a grin teasing at my lips. Shiro nodded, a small smile playing on his face as well. I saw from the corner of my eye, Kaiba rolling his eyes. I looked away, my mood going down a bit, and once more, I felt the stinging sensation in my chest. But I chose to brush it off.

"Well then if you two are done chatting, I believe it's time for us to take our leave." Kaiba voiced. "That _is_ why you came up here is it not?" Shiro gave a curt, single nod. "Yes sir." The two then took leave, with Kaiba exiting last. I watched them until they turned to the next hall and disappeared from my sight, then I grasped the doorknob; pushing the door closed and locked it slowly. After doing so, I was left in the silence that now dominated my apartment, although now it felt much colder and darker now than before. I slowly shuffled down the hall and made a turn to the left going down the hall that led to my room. Once I reach it, I walked inside and closed the door before leaning against it, my gaze directed downwards, and slowly slid against it until I was met with the floor. That was when I drew my knees up and wrapped my arms around them before burying my head in them.

I could feel my pulse pumping in anxiety but my mind seemed to shut off once that door closed. I didn't want to feel anything at that moment. I didn't want to think about anything either. I just wanted to sit there in a numb silence. I am too damn tired to be dealing with this shit. I felt my mind go hazy before my senses started to fade. I didn't stop it, I let it happen. I didn't fight the oncoming darkness that was approaching, and let it happen.


	14. Chapter 13

**©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUKI TAKAHASHI! I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY PROFIT OFF OF THIS! THIS IS FAN-MADE! ENJOY!**

**AN: Salutations my readers! It's Soul here and I'm back with CHAPTER 13 of CONFUSION OF THE HEART. Honestly, whenever I feel like giving up on this story, you guys keep surprising me with your reviews. I really appreciate that. I feel like this story can go somewhere. I've been having Writer's Block and this chapter was a bit difficult to write. Tell me your thoughts in the reviews down below! I hope you like. Later.**

**On with the story~!**

**.*.*.**

**CHAPTER 13:**

A quiet sigh escaped me as I stared down at the many civilians roaming the city streets. Sitting in a café, at the new mall, at a table in the back by the window, I had an elbow on the table with my head propped up in my hand while my other arm was just laying on its surface. In front of me on the table was a discarded tray with a half-filled, small mug of coffee on it as well as an empty plate that was once inhabited with a few chocolate-filled Taiyaki. It was the beginning of November now and it had gotten a bit colder now as Fall began to really roll in; I was dressed in a plain burgundy colored, hooded sweatshirt and a pair black jeans with some brown work boots and a grey beanie on my head.

A week.

A weeks since that incident with Kaiba back at the apartment.

My eyes narrowed a bit at the memory; my lips pulling into a tight frown and my already chilled mood, darkening. A week and I haven't heard from him since. I mean, yeah, I pass him in the halls at school and he _is_ in like two of my classes but…I don't talk to him—I _can't_. I'm unable to. Not after _that_. Whenever I see him, I just sort of _freeze_ _up_. I walk with my eyes on the ground and my head bowed, not wanting to see him and hoping so hard that he doesn't realize I'm purposefully ignoring him but wanting him to say something about it at the same time as well. It's weird.

I exhale soundly in vexation, my hand moving up my face as my eyes closed. The ball of my hand pressing into one of them as my fingers entangled themselves into my bangs and tugged slightly. I hate this. I hate how I'm avoiding him because I'm afraid to face him—b-but he _saw_ me in some of my _lowest_ moments! _How_? How can I even look even look at him the same way when I know that he—of_ all_ people—had seen me like that?! I swear I'm gonna get grey hairs if this keeps on going!

"_Of all people…" _The harshly whispered sentence left my mouth before I could stop it. "_…it just __**had**__ to him, didn't it?"_

My jaw tightened as my teeth gritted against each other. /_This shouldn't affect me so much! It really freaking shouldn't! But why does it!?_/ My brows furrowed as my remaining eye opened, glaring at the polished marble of the table.

_/Why does this affect me the way it does?/_

I felt my glare lesson until it was just me staring intently; sullenly. A weak grin appeared on my face suddenly as I let out tiny chuckle; near silent as it trailed off in the end.

"_I hate you,_ _Kaiba_…" I whispered softly, feeling drain from being stressed out mentally as well as emotionally. "_…I hate how you're making me feel…I hate you…_"

.*.*.

Feeling the brisk, Autumn air blowing in my face and messing my bangs up, I stared up at the sky. It was grey and shrouded in dark clouds that promised of future rain. Sighing heavily, I let my gaze fall as I frowned, staring at the large black metal bars of the gates of the Kaiba Mansion, but my face was otherwise impassive. _I honestly don't want to be here._ I complained in my head, but I chose to ignore that thought as I tightened my grip on the strap of my messenger bag; inside of was the book that I had borrowed from their library a little over a week ago. I read it as a way to distract myself from Kaiba and my many thoughts of him. It worked—mostly, anyway. I exhaled silently as I looked to my right and spotted the intercom. Raising a hand to press the button, I hear a loud '_buzz_' when I do so. I waited a few moments before jumping slightly, hearing a loud and deep, gruff baritone voice blare from the speaker.

"_Identify yourself and state your business here._"

"U-u-uuh…." I stuttered, feeling caught off guard, "M-My name is Jounouchi Katsuya. I've come here to see if Kaiba Mokuba was in this morning; I borrowed a book from him some time ago and have come to return it?"

"_He is indeed in. Please hold while I go retrieve the young master."_

Feeling slightly nervous, I waited patiently in silence for a considerably long amount of time before I hear a familiar voice blare on the speaker;

"_Jounouchi? Is that you out there?_"

"Yeah, it's me kid."

"_Not a kid_." He grumbled quietly, annoyance clear in his voice, "_Anyway, you said that you had a book to bring back right?_"

"Mmm-hmm." I hummed, "That's right."

"_Hold on, I'll let you in_."

There was a 'click' sound and then everything when silent. But it wasn't for long; I heard a _very_ loud buzz sound and the large black gates slowly began to open.

"_Proceed. I'm going to send Juro out to escort you inside_."

"Alright. Thanks." I called back, briefly wondering who this 'Juro' was as I stepped through the gates and hearing them close behind me after I was in a few feet. The walk was about the same as I remember it; (except I didn't slip and almost fall on my ass this time) long and uneventful. I was lost in some of my thoughts as I walked; my gaze directed downward on the pale grey pavement. At least, that was until I bumped into something that was like, _really_ frikken solid. I stumbled back in surprise, caught off guard, and nearly falling back but was stopped as I felt a heavy pressure grabbed onto my wrist. I direct my gaze over to my arm as I straightened up, finding a _very_ large hand gripping my wrist. My eyes quickly trailed along that arm and I gasped in shock as I jumped back, while exclaiming, "_What the actual hell?!_" and feeling the hand let go. I blinked repeatedly, making sure that this was a real.

Standing before me—_no._ _**Towering**_ over me, was very a large man. Both in height and body mass. Said man, looked about—just about—_seven_ _feet_ tall. I let my eyes run over him quickly, scanning his physic; he had a rather large built and he was dressed in—what looked to be—a guard uniform. He appeared to be mixed; seeing how his facial features didn't seem to match up with your common male Asian features. His hair was dark brown and he was sporting a half shaved pompadour haircut, as well as a thick, horseshoe mustache that seemed to hide his mouth.

Piercing silver irises stared down at me intensely, as if they were trying to uncover something. To be completely honest, I felt a little intimidated by his presence.

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Jounouchi Katsuya, I presume?"

I blinked at the questioned addressed, recognizing his voice as the one on the intercom, and nodded. But before I could say anything, the man's face broke out into a friendly smile, one that I wasn't sure was capable of appearing on such a solemn face like his own.

"_Welcome, Jounouchi Katsuya, to the Kaiba mansion! I am the head of security of this lovely home, Mihara Juro_!" He welcomed, throwing his arms about on either side and gesturing to the overly large mansion behind him.

_/This is Juro?!/_ My thoughts exclaimed, but then I deadpanned, /_Wait…'Lovely home'?/_

"So, you're Juro huh?" I stated rather than asked, resting a hand on my hip, "Mokuba said something about sending someone of that name to escort me inside."

"Hai, sir." Juro confirmed as his face returned to its earlier expression, one that was impassive but appeared a bit calmer than before. "If you would follow me, I shall bring you to the young master." With having to have said that, he turned around and began to ascent up the front steps on the mansion and inviting me inside. After taking off my shoes and setting them aside, I took a look around the main foyer since I hadn't done much so last time I was here. The flooring was white, marble tiles and was spotless. The area was large and spacious and there was some furniture on either side of the room, with a few paintings as well as a small and round, polish wooden pedestal table in the center of the room. It stood atop of a red oriental, round rug but atop of the table was a vase with a large exotic-looking plant in it. Hanging above it was a chandelier.

The two large white double staircase went along the walls and met up in a higher level; the steps were beige colored and the railings were dark brown wood although the bars holding them up were black and appeared to be metal. But we didn't go up either of those stairs and instead continued forward through a large archway that was below it. It led into a hall that had smaller archways on either side of us but we continued straight.

This is where I stop describing everything and get lost in my thoughts, alright? Alright.

Being here reminded me of my last stay and how I ended up coming here in the first place.

_Kaiba…_

The name echoed throughout my head and I felt my eyebrows furrow. A week, and I still have not gotten any answers to my questions…

_"Why did you help me?" I spared him a momentary glance. "From yesterday." "I didn't do it for your benefit, Isono saw you collapse. Do you expect me to do nothing when someone passes out in the street in the middle of a storm?" "To be honest; yes."_

He evaded my question, talked _around_ it. He never told me _why._ _Why_ he decided to take me to his mansion instead of a hospital, _why_ he had someone look me over once I was settled in, _why_ he let me wear his clothes and even left extra in case I would be cold, _why _he even bothered to give a fuck (because I know he doesn't care, he made that _pretty_ frikken clear when he was at my apartment)—or even _why_ I hadn't seen him the whole time that I was there.

I need answers but I can't face that bastard. Not right now anyway, not until I feel up to it. I looked up, not remembering when I looked down, as a thought came to me. I chose to voice this thought;

"Um, Juro?" I spoke and he turned to look over his shoulder and down at me, "Yes sir?" I fiddled with the end of my sleeves as a nauseous feeling settled in my stomach, "Is Kaiba home by any chance?" I asked, feeling nervous at the thought of running into the prick. I mean this is his house and all—but I could get unlucky and run into him. Juro let his silver colored irises wander around in thought, for a moment before settling on me once more. "My lord usually arrives home within the late evening." He informed, turning back around, "Oh." I exhaled, feeling more than a little relieved. It was silent for a few more moments before I spoke again.

"Hey, if you don't mind me asking, where is Mokuba anyway?" I asked as we turning another corner. "The young master is waiting in the library on the west wing." Juro replied, "I see." I murmured, "It isn't much farther if you're wondering." I looked back at him but I remained silent during our walk. Which wasn't that long, just as Juro promised. We stopped at another archway and I peeked in; finding it to be the library from before and spotting Mokuba sitting in one of the armchairs reading—what looked like—a book. Juro knocked firmly on the wall, catching the attention of the young teen as he looked up.

"Jounouchi!" He greeted, as he closed the book before setting it down in his lap. "Thanks Juro. I didn't want Jounouchi here getting lost." I frowned at hearing that, giving him an unamused look. Though, the little brat ignored me and continued to speak to the giant next to me. "You're free to go about your duties." With a bow, Juro dismissed himself, I watched as he walked away ad down the hall before turning a corner and disappearing from my sight.

"Yo." I turned my eyes onto Mokuba, "Get in here and quit standing by the door, looking like a creep." Another look was sent his way but he just grinned. Scowling, I walked into the room and went straight to the couch and collapsed onto it. I lean back into the cushions, my body feeling enervated. Propping my elbow on the arm of the sofa, I rest my face in my hand, closing my eyes.

"What's with you?" Mokuba asked and I peeked above my fingers, giving him a questioning look, hoping for him to elaborate.

"Whoa, have you gotten _any_ sleep lately?"

I straightened up, looking at him. "What?" I questioned, "What makes you ask _that_?"

He pointed to his eye and with his finger, he touched below it. "You've got bags that could rival Nii-sama's on a bad day. They look worse than they did from the last time I saw you." Feeling self-conscious, I brought one of my hands up to rest on my face momentarily, touching where I knew the dark circles were. "I didn't think they looked _that_ bad." I muttered, looking at the floor as I let my hand fall. "Well, have you?" The other repeated, and I let out a heavy sigh, "I was working late last night." I mumbled, "I didn't get much sleep earlier either." I didn't come home until a little after four this morning. Sure, I was exhausted but I still had trouble falling asleep; I didn't fall asleep until like five or something and it only lasted about two hours or so. After that, I just gave up on sleeping.

"How often do you work?" Mokuba inquired.

"Well, I work at the Crimson Dragon on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays." I explained, "My part-time job is on Wednesdays and sometimes Fridays."

"You only have Saturday and Sunday off then?"

"On good days, yes."

"Seriously?" He sounded so surprised. Why? "Why do you sound like it's abnormal for me to work?" I grumbled, feeling slightly offended. "Doesn't your brother do the same thing?" He shook his head, "It's not about you working, it's about _how_ _much_ it is that you work, you baka!"

"Watch it." Suddenly, a yawn escapes me, I covered it with the back of my hand. "What time is it, anyhow?" I leaned back into the chair as I spoke, relaxing my muscles. Mokuba flipped his wrist, looking at his watch. "Ten-forty-six." It was silent as he directed his eyes to me. "Hey, Jounouchi…"

"Hmm?"

"You wanna like, crash here or something?" I blinked at hearing the offer, "Huh?" He actually looked worried, "You look like you could really use the sleep right now."

"I couldn't do that Mokuba," I denied, "it woudn't feel right to impose on you because of my poor sleeping habits. I just came here to return your book."

"No." Was his firm reply, "I insist; you're not imposing on anyone Jounouchi. You can worry about the book later. Please take a rest." I stared at him, feeling a bit flattered that he actually cares so much. I snorted as I closed my eyes, shaking my head, "Alright then. If you say so." I made myself comfortable on the couch and I brought my feet up on it.

"You sure this is okay?"

"It's fine."

"Hmm…" I hummed as I pulled my hood up and over my eyes. Mokuba probably wants me to go in a bed in one of the guestrooms but I'm too tired to move. Besides, I already got comfortable. "You're going to sleep here?"

"_Why_ _not_?" I murmured, my words slow and a bit slurred as I let my mind empty itself. I heard a distant sigh in the background,

"_Looks like you're already falling asleep. Sweet dreams Jounouchi._"

I gave an unclear response as I felt my consciousness ebbing away, and then all my thoughts ended, swirling into the black abyss.


	15. AUTHOR'S NOTE

_SALUTATIONS, MY DEAR READERS!_

How have you been? Good? Great? Awesome? Bad? Terrible?

Well it's been quite a VERY long time since I last even touched this story. _November 8, 2014_ was the last time I had uploaded a chapter and it is now _June 5, 2015_. Things had been kind of crazy since then; with me battling depression and juggling my schoolwork and family problems. Because of this my inspiration levels have been all wonky—meaning that I haven't really hadn't a good idea for this story.

But that's why I'm writing this;

I am discontinuing _Confusion Of The Heart__._ Reasoning one being that I had read over it a few days ago and felt that the characters weren't really kept in character. Also, recently, I have been looking back at my original story for it and realized that it wouldn't fit anymore. Which caused the story to end up as it is; high and dry and left to die. That's right, this story no longer had a plot to it and I just could NOT think of one that would fit! I just kept on and on until I couldn't anymore.

So what I'm planning to do is discontinue this story and start anew—

Meaning that I'm going to be rewriting this story with a brand new (but slightly similar) plot. It came to me the other day and then I realized that there weren't _any_ stories that were like this. So I've been playing with the idea for the past two days thinking and adding different ideas and seeing if it could work and shizz and I've found a pretty solid plot. I really do hope that it becomes as big a hit as _Confusion Of The Heart_ was going to be, and if not then perhaps even more so.

I want to take a moment to thank the people who read the story and favorite, followed, and as well as reviewed, especially my most animated reviewer, _**TheCatsMeow8562**_. Her reviews kept me quite entertained and were a pleasant surprise but to be honest I love all my reviewers. Some actually pushed me on when my depression got the better of me while others didn't notice.

But enough of my mushiness, back the main point—I will uploading a new version of this story. When it is put up on my account, it will be under the title, Letalis Blanditia (So _stay tuned~_). On another note; on my profile page, from now until doomsday I will be posting information about my stories. Things such as updates, time waits, list of upcoming stories-things such as that. Just to have my brain in order. But I also have a question for you sweethearts:

Should the story still be in Jounouchi's P.O.V? Or perhaps, should I instead write it from third person?

I'm not quite sure on how many of you will actually see this as it's been quite a while but I'm hoping I can be as active on here as I was before.

Peace, Love, & Ecstasy,

- Soul


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